Showing posts with label Fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fear. Show all posts

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Feeding Seagulls

I heard this story on the radio and want to share it.
On vacation, this person fed crackers to the seagulls. While doing so he was able to identify three different types of bird personalities.

First, there were those that would hover and watch but never got too near to get any of the food that was being offered.
Second, there were those that got just close enough to catch a few crumbs, but not close enough to obtain the full amount.
Then there was the bold and brave ones. These would come right up and take the cracker directly from his hand.
He tried to coax the others to do the same, for he meant them no harm.
In this moment he had a revelation: how like these seagulls humanity can be when we approach God.
God is there with many Blessings, much like the man holding out the crackers for the gulls. He doesn't want to hurt us, but to share Blessings with us.
Some will watch but never reach out to receive these Blessings, afraid to even draw near to God.
Some are like the skittish gulls, coming only just close enough to receive a few crumbs when God has so much more to offer.
And some are like the brave gulls, with complete trust and confidence that God does not intend harm. They are the ones that receive all that God wants to give - right from His hand.
I strive to be more like the brave gulls. From this point forward, I intend to do so.
What type of seagull are you?
~ESA

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Divisions and Fear

Someone once asked me what I value most in this world. My response was, "Seeing other people cross dividing lines and work together.

There are many in this world who would divide. We are divided by geography, income, politics, religions, genders, lifestyle, cultures, and languages. Some thrill at diving people and putting each in our place.

But are we not all one - humanity? Do we not all have the same color blood running in our veins? Do we not all live under the same sky, where the moon and sun touch our lives?

I've even seen fellow Christians bicker among themselves over who has what right.

People quote the bible as an excuse to draw lines. "If you're not with me; you're against me!" or "Christ came to divide sheep and goats, so I am called to do likewise!"


Say WHAT?!?

Do you really believe that is what Jesus / Yeshua wants? Did He not tend to the Roman centurion and the Samaritans as well as the Jews? Did He not reach out to everyone who crossed his path, and tell a beautiful story of blessing for the one that stepped across a dividing line to help a fellow human being?

Christ asks that we love each other and work together - not divide ourselves, fight, and hate each other. That is the teachings of the adversary.

Once, I attended a healing Mass with my husband and in-laws. My mother-in-law is Protestant, and thus cannot receive communion in the Catholic church. When the priest saw that she did not come up, he approached her after finishing the line. She refused demurely. When asked why, she explained that she was Protestant and not allowed. To emphasize, she put her hands before her mouth.

The priest pulled down her hands, put the Eucharist in her palms and said firmly, "That doesn't matter." There were whispers all around us; many had plans to report this priest to the church. But I Bless this priest for what he had done. He crossed that line to extend Love.

Fear divides us from our fellow human beings. We fear them, whether we see that as despising them, hating them, or cutting ourselves from them. We are running as fast as we can in the opposite direction, even when we don't admit it to ourselves.

Fear can also be used by others to keep us quiet, obedient to their greed and desires, and have us fight each other. Fear is used to divide us. Fear is used to keep us from saying or doing something to change things - especially when things should be changed!

Why?

Because, division is the antithesis of what humanity is actually growing towards and what we can be. There is a statement that practically screams from my being when I see how much fear has crippled what we can be.

We can achieve far more together than the sum of our individual efforts.

Together - as one.

When we are divided and running in so many different directions, we fail in that.

How much can we do working together? Even as recent as one generation ago, we walked on the surface of the moon.

But we can do much more. When people work together, they erase the dividing lines. They unite in heart and mind and create something strong and lasting.

We create a better world, a brighter world.

We come up with solutions to life's problems, with no loss to any, no answering to corporate greed that sees the poor masses beneath its notice.

We bring Peace into our lives and our world. 

We bring Love to live in our lives and the lives of every one of our sisters and brothers.

We are all one, though fear tries to tell us differently.  Let Light shine to dissolve the fear - and bring us a better world.

~ ESA

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Father to Son (Video)

This is a video I made years ago, but had to eventually remove from YouTube because I do not own the rights to the song. It started as a conversation between my husband and I. He knows this song from its original debut decades ago. To me, though, the words sounded as what God would say to Yeshua/Jesus just before His crucifixion.

Song: Day is Done - Peter, Paul and Mary
Images: Photobucket


All rights are retained by the respective artists. I do not, nor ever have, received funds for this. I produced this out of the Love in my heart.

- ESA

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Fears to Cheers

The death of Osama bin Laden has been on the news of late and a radio station I listen to even had a discussion on what our reaction should be. I had mixed feelings and searched through some tweets and blog posts to see what others thought. Some I would like to share:

RT @NiraMe: "Mommy, why are they celebrating someone being killed?"

That hit me hard with the truth behind it. When the twin towers of the World Trade Center fell, the media showed some parts of the world celebrating the death of Americans, whom they considered the enemy. We shook our heads at their disgraceful behavior. Why do some Americans now behave the same way, when our declared enemy falls? Are we any different?

I think my feelings are best reflected by these words, which many have posted around the net:

I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. ~Jessica Dovey

Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

My own words cannot outshine
The famous quotes
In the above lines

- ESA

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Fear

Litany against fear
(from Dune by Frank Herbert)

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.


Friday, March 19, 2010

Fear the Lord?

Someone just sent me a Twitter DM that read, "I love people that fear the Lord!!! They're cool people!" For some reason I replied, "I Love, honor and respect God. A person doesn't approach the One (s)he fears. What I "fear" is disappointing Him."

We traded a few more DM's after that, but I believe my feelings were best summed up in this: "I know many Christians use the phrase, and that God does have a temper! For some reason, though, it seems odd to fear One I Love so much...."

In that nutshell I realized that, over the years, I've opened my heart to Love to the point where there is no more room left for fear. Instead, I have found unquestioning Trust in God.

I certainly know God has a temper! I know what God's Wrath can do....

But the Love inside helps me get past the trepidation caused by this knowledge and I'm able to open my heart wide to both God and others without fear. Even when I know I'll find heartache sometimes. I Love God so much that I cannot hold back and cower in fear; I just want to run to Him, do what I can to please Him and serve Him in whatever ways I am called to do!

What I now fear isn't God - but disappointing Him. Like a toddler who always tries to please a parent, sometimes I succeed, and I know sometimes I fail.... :*(

Looking back at these words, I also wonder how many people stake a claim in their faith ONLY because they FEAR the outcome of NOT doing so..... instead of opening their hearts to Love.

Seek the Love
To get past Fear
And find the Love so very dear!

-ESA

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Obstacles and Tools

As one strives to grow spiritually, one recognizes and overcomes obstacles that impede growth. Often, these can be summed up in two words: Fear and Self-Pride.

Fear hinders our efforts to open our hearts and reach out to others. It prevents us from leaving comfortable situations for something new and unknown. Fear of failure stills hands and tongues more often than any criticism, reprimand or outside threat.

Self-Pride - feeling that I am greater or stand taller than others in someone's eyes (including God's) - leads to prejudice, ostentation, greed, jealousy, bitterness, lies, and corruption of the soul. With it, one's eyes remain on oneself and not where they should be.

Then there's the combination of the two: when one allows fear of what others think of them to alter what one is inspired to do. That defeats the purpose, for in changing it one weakens or kills it. Or worse, changes it's message or intent.

Within our possession we have tools to counter this.

Faith and Trust work together to form the Courage that sees us through the Fear. Faith and Trust in God opens us to Guidance and Understanding of things that were beyond us, helping us break the illusion fear often holds before our eyes.

We also bring out the best in others by believing in them and trusting them to do the right thing. Yes, we will get hurt, for the world is not perfect. But it's good-faith efforts that allows humanity to collaborate. And when we work together, something amazing happens: We accomplish far more than the sum of our individual efforts!

Humility is hard to maintain, but it keeps the ego down to a manageable size. It helps one to see the the false glitter of lies and LAUGH in it's face! It will not be in standing before people but in serving people that things progress. For in working for and with one another, we grow. Those that stand proudly in front oft are the ones blocking the progress.

Keeping our eyes off ourselves is one of the hardest things. Each year we celebrate our own birth. Attention is given to individual grades in school; personal accomplishments are recognized. To get a job, we must tell people what we do and how well we do it. It's become our way of life.

We need to avert our eyes from a public, self-centered perspective to see what is outside of ourselves (others and their needs) and within ourselves (God's Love, Guidance and Wisdom).

Further, this leads to another tool: Prayer. When we know we are not alone, and when we realize we need help, we pray. Sometimes we bemoan our circumstances and ask for help. But when take our eyes off ourselves completely, praying for others and opening ourselves to His Guidance, we let His Love combine with our love.

And in serving humbly, we allow that Love to flow through our thoughts, works and words. When we focus on self, this is choked off. When we focus how WE are helping others, it is crippled. But when we move our focus off ourselves entirely, it flows sweetly.

When we get past the Fear and Self-Pride,
So many wondrous things happen.

-ESA

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Comfort Zone

Recently, I've had to wrap my mind around something which caused me to evaluate myself in a whole new light. What I discovered: truth is not always a bright rainbow in a cloudless sky. Truth can make us uncomfortable. Truth can be scary. Truth can even hurt.

When I faced this, I would always run back to my comfort zone. I would turn back to that which I knew, the way I thought the world was and will always be. Then I either become lost in the lies I wrap around myself once again, or I see the wrappings as lies and they rot in my hands as I stretch them ever thinner before the truth.

Often when one says, "When we step out of the comfort zone, we grow," they speak of learning something new. Whether it it developing a new talent, making a new friend or moving to a new area, this will be true. But that statement also reflects the reality of facing the truth.

If I step away from my comfort zone, step away from the familiar untruths and face the truth, I can learn and grow. In the end, that growth far outweighs any discomfort, fear and pain I feel. Yes, I swallow hard, feel the blood pulsing through my rapidly beating heart, take a deep shaky breaths and experience the tears streaming down my face. It is not easy.

That growth makes me stronger, able to get through even greater challenges ahead and gives me what I need to help others get over the hurdle I just faced. It takes courage - a LOT of courage - and faith. I had the faith to know I was not alone as I struggled to face the truth and learn from it, change with it. That, I believe, made a tremendous difference.

What is this truth? There are many truths that will be revealed to a person in life. Sometimes many times, sometimes only once. Some know one truth but not others that are waiting to be discovered and learned from. Each provides a chance to grow inside. And many times, truth can be something very personal yet very profound.

I will admit, there are times even after I've struggled through once, that I will tend to hide in my comfort zone when I face another. It gives me smoother sailing during my day, but at night leaves me to wonder what opportunity for growth have I just let slip past. Was I too asleep in my comfort zone? Or did I give in to the fear and run hiding like a child who's afraid of the dark?
I should stop doing that. It is hard, but possible.

I know fear is used to keep me from knowing and understanding the truth - fear of what people will say, fear of what I will find out, fear of the unknown, fear of the discomfort and pain... but mostly fear that I will have to realize I was wrong! For some reason, that seems to be the most difficult for me to overcome. I can admit I was wrong. I can apologize for being wrong. But when it comes to REALIZING deep within my heart, mind and soul that I WAS wrong is very, VERY scary and can even be painful. That seems to drive me back to the comforting lies more than anything else.

And it shouldn't.

That's where my resolve to do right and be a righteous person is tested the hardest it seems. The biggest battles are often fought within the heart.

But I continue to strive, and will as long as I'm alive...
To keep stepping out of that comfort zone...
And grow.

-ESA

Friday, August 21, 2009

The Choir (Choirii) (Story)

This is a story I was told long ago and has recently resurfaced. I've been asked to share:
--------------------------------------
THE CHOIR (CHOIRII)

In a time before the fall, long before humans were ever created, was a time of God and His angels.

One day, God commanded the angels before the Throne to sing a song.
The angels gathered at once to obey His command.

However, one angel's heart wasn't into it, and did not put his/her full effort into the song.

After all,
(s)he believed, "it would not matter if I do not sing my best. For mine is just one small voice within the vast multitude."

The song started beautifully.

But since the angel's heart wasn't in the song, it wasn't as perfect as it should have been.

Notes were missed.

This wrecked havoc on the harmony, which in turn led to the ultimate collapse of the melody - it was a disaster.

God was furious!
He knew what happened and why.

He let forth a tremendous Wrath upon all the angels of the choir.

All parts of Heaven reverberated with the sound of His Rebuke!

And the very essence of Heaven shook with His Rage!

The angels suffered tremendously - especially the one who did not put his/her heart into the song.

There was a great multitude of "singed feathers" in Heaven that day.

And the cries of their loss echoed across all Creation...

From that point on (for a while at least) anything angels did to serve God was done with their whole heart and not half-hearted as the one angel had done.

-----------------------------------------

- ESA

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Bright Lights

Between the news the media covers and how bad news seems to travel further and faster than good news, it is difficult to see the good in our fellow human beings. Instead we look upon each other with fear and suspicion.

Recently, a friend had some people reach out to him and his wife in their need. I admit that my first and primary response was that fear when I heard they not only had his phone number but also his address, saying they will bring over some goods. I warned my friend to be very careful as these people could rob them or worse...

His response snapped me into a better perspective. He told me flatly, there was nothing in his home worth stealing. He was not going to let the fear that we have of strangers stop him from opening the door to those who really do intend to help.

He judged correctly, those people brought smiles, food and things he and his wife could use, a very rare thing in his life and a blessing he received with a gratitude and joy that touched my heart.

Someone really cared for their fellow human beings.
Someone fought that fear and opened their door.
Together that moment has something to teach us all.

We should be alert and open the ways for any of our fellow human beings who truly wish to help others. And while we should maintain vigilance against those who deceive, manipulate and abuse the ways we open, we should never use it as an excuse or reason to let our fears lock us away from each other.

We all share this world. True, there is darkness and evil here. But there are many bright points of Light and Love here too. If we open our eyes to see the difference, we will see not only the bright points, but the ways they illuminate where we can help one another.

We also shouldn't propagate the bad news; just alert others of precautions to take. Instead, we should spread good news, and fight against the fear that has made us mistrustful of one another.

Hand-in-Hand can humanity stand
Against the fear
Trust in Love

- ESA

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Lifting my Voice (Poem)

I needed some time to myself, but now... I want to sing, I want to shout! I want to tell the world what I'm about.

Why am I so shy and hesitant in what I say - more each day...

I giggle, stay silent - I just want to hide... rather than plainly state what I feel inside.


Yesterday and then again today, someone said he saw wisdom in what I had to say...

And yet I hesitate and hold back. Is it simply courage that I lack?

I need to change, to grow... to become something more than what I know!

I was told change is NOT something to fear...

But something that instead should be treasured dear.

The enemy uses fear to stop us as we progress, each hesitation is a measure of his success.

I should start to again blog this, and share with any who may witness...

Fear NOT the change.

Through it we grow.

Let that show.

- ESA

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Shell (Poem)

This is a poem written a year ago after I tried to describe to someone what it was like being an outcast while I was growing up, and how it affects your ability to trust another. I rediscovered it this morning thumbing through my journal. I have a friend now going through something similar....

When the waters grow deeper
The world darkens before your eye
You reach and you search
Find nothing no matter how you try
+++
God's Light diminishes
As you hide behind that wall
Protect yourself from the darkness
With a wall strong and tall
+++
A knock at the door
A lance of pain sears
You lash out at the invader
As you fight off your tears
+++
The blow you make hits
But no matter how you try
The invader persists
Trying to make you cry
+++
A crack at the wall
Light floods inside
Fearing the unknown
Into the shadows you hide
+++
A hand reaches in
You lash out again
The hand is still there
Bloody and grim
+++
A gentle voice coaxes
Get out of that shell
Place your trust in Me
I will make you well
+++
Bewildered and frightened
You shrink back some more
Afraid heart and soul
Of the voice at the door
+++
The hand is still there
No harsh words are said
No scolding, no reprimand
No curse from the dead
+++
You place your hand
In the hand of the other
As you leave that shell
You may find a Brother

-ESA

Saturday, May 9, 2009

One Child's Inferno (True Story)

Yesterday, while visiting with family down in Virginia, a group of adults were trading stories about our childhood. When the topic came to running away, I had a funny story to tell...


--------------------------------------------------------
When I was about five years old, one of my brothers was a year behind me and another brother was a baby (my sister not yet born), my parents lived in this little house next to a vacant lot full of dry overgrown grass.

I was down in the basement; my brother and I were playing with play-dough pretending to bake it in the cold oven (as long as we didn't plug it in or turn it on). Then my nose caught the smell of something burning. I asked my brother if he smelled it too. He did and we checked to make sure it wasn't from the oven we were playing with.

Then the door at the top of the stairs burst open and my mother called down, "Kids! There's a fire! Get out of the house!"

I ran to the top the stairs and she grabbed my shoulder and turned me toward the front door. When I opened the front door, the flames shot quickly along the base of the dry hedges that bordered the property line between our tiny front yard and the vacant lot. With the tell-tale roar and crackle, the bushes when up - red and yellow flames flickering against the dark black plume of smoke rising behind them. That was enough to instill terror in a little five-year-old. So I ran!

My parents' little house was the first on a block that paralleled a highway (along our backyards), so while I was still too young to cross the street without someone, I could go a very long way (about 4 blocks) without crossing the street. With my little sneakers pounding the sidewalk, I ran!

Now I have been blessed with a great imagination since I was born, and sometimes that can be a curse as well. In my mind, there was this great inferno roaring around my parent's house, chasing me down this street. I envisioned my parent's house engulfed in flames and my family (who for some reason weren't running right behind me) were roasted alive in the ever-growing terror behind me.

About every three or four houses, I dropped to my knees and prayed to God, asking that He wouldn't let the fire get me and that He would keep my family safe. Then, imagination turned the warm breeze at my back that carried the scent of burning brush into something far more devastating, so I leapt to my feet and ran some more.

By the time I reached the end of the sidewalk at the intersection where I needed to cross the street to continue, I had tears running down my face, my hair was disheveled from constantly turning around to see if the fire was catching up to me.

As I walked those last few feet, too afraid to stop and kneel lest the fire catch me, I prayed, "God, I'm reaching the end of the block, now. I can't cross the street. Mommy and Daddy won't let me. I don't know what to do. Please help me."

Then I heard a very loud voice call out, "Tara?"

I jumped, startled out of my wits! Then I looked up and incredulously asked, "God....?"

The voice came again, even louder, "Tara?" It was clearly behind me.

I turned around -- slowly -- and spied a police car in the road beside me, the officer inside had the mic to the loudspeaker in his hand. "Are you Tara?"

I nodded. He pulled the car closer to the curb and opened the passenger side door for me. "Hop in, your mother sent me looking for you."

Chagrined, I got in the front seat of the police car (my grandfather was a NYC sergeant at the time, so it wasn't that strange a situation to me), and he drove me back down the four blocks.

When we got there, my mother was standing on the still-green front lawn before an untouched house with my two brothers - one was laughing at me. :P We only lost the hedge and a tree at the border and the neighboring lot was charred completely and smelt of brushsmoke for weeks after, but all was safe.

-------------------------------------------------------

As I finished telling this story, I looked around at my audience and noticed that it wasn't just the fellow adults who were standing in rapt attention to the story, but nearly a dozen kids were also there, listening to my every word.

When I woke up this morning, I realized that telling that story did more than just bring a few laughs to the gathering of family and friends; the kids there learned, by way of example, that it was OK to pray to God about anything and that they could trust God with their worries, even if it was something silly in the end....

- ESA

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Panic-->Positive Thought

I believe I'm safe in assuming that many others are blogging about the swine flu over the last few days, so I thought to throw my own voice into the communal conundrum, hopefully as a little light of hope.

Whether or not the swine flu will evolve into a global pandemic I cannot say.

But before people start to panic, start fist fights at the stores over supplies or go deep into the bunker mentality, I'd like to propose a few simple things that are much simpler and cost effective:

  • Wash your hands - before eating, after using the rest room, after shaking hands, before touching your face, after wiping a child's nose, after blowing your own nose, etc. Simple soap and water can go a long way. Wash front and back of your hands and rinse under running water with your fingers pointing downwards so it doesn't wash onto your wrists/arms.
  • Use tissues - sneeze or cough into a tissue and dispose of it right away; use a tissue for the toilet handle, restroom knobs/latches, or other areas where germs are high. If you must sneeze and there are no tissues around, sneeze or cough into the crook of your elbow or on the upper portion of your sleeve. If you sneeze or cough into your hands, wash them right away. But certainly cover your mouth and nose when you cough and sneeze.
  • Clean doorknobs, phone headsets / handsets, keyboards, mice and other equipment that are used by multiple people or when you become ill.
  • Use your hands to touch paperwork, shake hands, etc. unless you know for certain the person is ill or if required by local mandate. Then gloves would be recommended. We still need the human touch, don't be afraid of it. If you ARE sick, politely decline handshakes until you are well again.
  • If you are sick, stay home. Otherwise, it will not only help spread what you have but it will also make your co-workers edgy and distracted at the workplace. If possible, make arrangements to work from home or on a different schedule when you are sick and cannot afford to be out.
  • Keep informed and know from where you are getting the information. Does the person have authority or experience in the subject or are they just voicing their concerns, opinions or dismissal of what's happening? (If you're wondering, the information here is a compilation from CDC and other government sources that I've prepared to present to the company President and employees where I work).
  • Does your company have any emergency or contingency plans in place? Before you say "No" or "Of course not" check with Human Resources or the President (or similar). Many organizations have been working on these plans a little more ethusiatically since Katrina.
  • Does your community have a plan? Find out.

If you decide to take away only one thing from this post today, I would say forget everything else above and keep this one: THINK POSITIVE.

There is far more that positive thought can achieve than most people realize. Cancer patients and those who are seriously ill or hurt that have the "I will get through this" attititude, do! Those who think the worst and let the fear rise up and occupy their thoughts and conversations, fall. The same can and does apply to almost anything we encounter in this world.

Granted thinking "Your not going to hit this beach" at a tidal wave before you may not work. But then again, Someone once said that "If you tell a mountain to move and believe it will, the mountain will move." Human beings have been known to do the "impossible" time and again. Faith that we can do things often brings the impossible to the reality of the possible. If too many people believe -- sincerely believe -- this swine flu will bring humanity to its knees and end civilization, this very fear CAN become reality!

That's why I stress the need for Positive Thought. Do not just go around thinking "we'll get through this" but BELIEVE it, in your heart as well as your head. We can make a difference. If we believe, it too can become reality.

Believe.
Pass the tissues.
And God Bless You!

- ESA