Sulk

Often I like to envision myself like the image to the left.

I am confident.

I am a beloved child of God.

I am following the Spirit within me.

I am sharing God's Light and Love.

All is well.

I'm connected with my brothers and sisters.

All is right in the world.

But I'm a big girl and know this is not always the case.

Like today.

There are days where I will dig in my heals and fight against what I am guided to do.  

Given our free will, the Spirit will figuratively toss up its hands and warn that we will not be happy.

For today's sulk, I wanted to tweet. I was up early, but after a few tweets, I kept being drawn to work.

Technically, I don't have to be at the office until 8 am, and it was 5:30. I had already emailed my boss that I'll be out with a stomach flu, but I was also expected to generate my weekly reports this morning.

Those reports took a LOT longer than I expected. It may have taken less time if I didn't keep fighting and tried to back to Twitter, or Farmville or anything but work. But even with the fight, they were done by 9 am.

In a half-hour, my boss emailed me with a list of "hot" reports that needed to be done by noon. Then two more reports added to that list, which took me until 1 pm.

By 1 pm, I was physically and mentally exhausted. The flu bug had taken it's toll and I was ready for a nap. But the work was also done; I could sleep in relative peace.

It wasn't until I woke up around 3:30 that I realized how much I was sulking through the morning. It's now 5 pm and I never got back to the tweets that *I* wanted to do. But (as my cell phone rings again from the boss as I type this!) there are other responsibilities.

I cannot easily forget that when I do follow, the mundane work will be slid into the schedule effortlessly as well as all God wants me to do.

Was it God's Will that I tweet today?

Or was it my desire?

I have to face the truth of the matter: am I really following God's Will when I want to do things *my* way?

Or am I just sulking?

And, let's face it, we never out-grow the sulk.

:D

~ ESA