Blind Trust

This was shared with me after I posted yesterday's piece:

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A man and Jesus were on a journey. When they came to a new path, the man could not see what lay beyond their toes and he turned to Jesus and asked, "Lord, light the way before me so I know where to go."

To which Jesus replied, "It is better that you should take my hand and trust me to guide you."

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- ESA

Trust in the Storm

When the winds of change buffet us and the storms of life overwhelm us, it is hard to trust. For when we trust, we must let go of what control we believe we have, of our reasoning, and at times of our very selves. When we are tossed about, letting go of the little security we have to cast ourselves into the screaming winds of the storm is frightening and even seems insane.

But there are times when we must do that and place our complete trust in God.

We may struggle for a time until we are ready to let go. Our head may even drop beneath the waves as the storms in our life take their toll. But His hand is ever outstretched, especially when we cannot see in the darkness and turmoil.

He will not fight our efforts, for our free will is something He respects. But He remains near us, ready to catch us and lift us to our feet when we acknowledge we need Him and finally place our trust in Him.

It's only when we stop insisting on doing things OUR way that we open our eyes and find that He's been holding onto our hand firmly and surely all the while.

- ESA

The Shell (Poem)

I wrote this poem about two years ago, after I tried to describe to someone what it was like being an outcast while I was growing up, and how it affects your ability to trust another. Something I read on another's blog brought this to mind and I wanted to share it with my readers.

Perhaps this may also help some understand why people that are hurting WILL hurt others...

The Shell

When the waters grow deeper
The world darkens before your eye
You reach and you search
Find nothing no matter how you try
+++
God's Light diminishes
As you hide behind that wall
Protect yourself from the darkness
With a wall strong and tall
+++
A knock at the door
A lance of pain sears
You lash out at the invader
As you fight off your tears
+++
The blow you make hits
But no matter how you try
The invader persists
Trying to make you cry
+++
A crack at the wall
Light floods inside
Fearing the unknown
Into the shadows you hide
+++
A hand reaches in
You lash out again
The hand is still there
Bloody and grim
+++
A gentle voice coaxes
Get out of that shell
Place your trust in Me
I will make you well
+++
Bewildered and frightened
You shrink back some more
Afraid heart and soul
Of the voice at the door
+++
The hand is still there
No harsh words are said
No scolding, no reprimand
No curse from the dead
+++
You place your hand
In the hand of the other
As you leave that shell
You may find a Brother

-ESA

Floral Blizzard

On the walk home from work today, I saw a bit a blue sky and sunshine between the stormfronts. My husband and I decided to take a drive down to this park we know.

There, we walked around the grounds as the sun slowly sank into the cloud-draped western horizon. Our spring jackets were zipped to our chins and our fingertips grew cold in the chilling air. But we didn't seem to notice that.

The flowers had pushed up from the ground in the thousands and the trees were in bloom, especially the pink ones down by the main pond/lake. Whenever the wind blew it produced a snowstorm of pink petals that my husband and I strolled through. Eddies of wind currents swept the petals that were already on the ground, making them stir and sway like pink rivers along the winding roadways.

We strolled along each small streams and hopped from rock-to-rock across one of the icy waterways. And, as if that wasn't childish enough, on our way back to the car, we scooped up handfulls of pink petals and dumped them on each other and tossed them high into the air to stir up our own floral blizzards lit by the setting sun, dancing on the wind currents to the music of our laughter.

Spring time
Heart of a child
Simple Joys in life

- ESA

By Your Side (Video)

Today's rain brought one of my videos to mind. Since I closed my YouTube account, I thought to share it here. Enjoy.

Song: By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North
Images found on Photobucket
All rights are retained by the original artists.




Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching
As if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
Please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

(Chorus 2x)

- ESA

In the NOW

There exists a sweet moment when my mind and my being are completely in the NOW - in the moment, connected with all that is around me and aware of what flows through me.

It's a moment when my heart is open to Love and open to loving all that is around me.

My head isn't thinking about what will be, isn't making plans, isn't looking back on the past but is only observing and taking in what is here in the NOW.

My awareness extends beyond myself to touch all that is there - the tree, the grass, the bee dancing among the blueberry flowers, the people waking up in the apartments, the ones driving by in their cars, the child struggling on the grass as she learns to ride her two-wheel bike... and the overwhelming feeling/understanding that God is there touching/within/with/through all of these and more. It's a connectedness beyond words.

Sadly, I can only catch rare glimpses of these moments and my mind is distracted and pulls me away - to a thought, to a memory, to a worry, to respond to the greetings of a neighbor walking by. But at the same time, I know God is still there, even when I am unaware.

Such sweet moments,
More precious than pearls.
And they happen anywhere in the world.

- ESA

Why Not Now? (Poem)

It is with some reluctance
I admit this here and now
I've been negligent in my faith
I will let you know how

There was a time
when I'd go for a walk
one-on-One time with God
and I'd try not to talk

The key to this time
was to listen instead
I'd open my heart
and empty my head

But as months went past
these times became few
as I filled all my days
with much nonsense to do

I'd say my prayers
at day's start and end
but didn't have time
to listen and mend

Excuses come up
games and `net too
chatting and playing
instead I would do

I need to take on
my responsibility
I need to make time
for just God and me

I don't need to go far
whether outside or in
it's in still listening
where this will begin

I listen to God's Voice
as it sails past my ear
I'm reprimanded and reminded
God's ALWAYS near

Give some of my time
to strengthen my heart
Give some of my time
to understand from the start

Give some of my time
a waste it won't be
Give some of my time
to step towards Eternity

Take some time to open my heart
and pause to clear my head
Step away from the cares of this world
and spend time with God instead

-ESA

Enemy Action

I believe there are fallen angels that delight in misleading human souls away from God's Grace. But I also believe there is much laid at the adversary's feet that ... well, let's just say it's undeserved credit.

I remember a silly custom my grandmother tried - and failed - to pass on to my generation. If you spilled the salt or knocked over the salt shaker, you had to scoop salt up with your right hand and throw it over your left shoulder. Why? Because the devil, sitting on your left shoulder, made you spill the salt, so you hit him in the eye with it.

While that is just a silly little superstition, there are many things people will blame on the adversary. While interference does happen, it is not anywhere near the regularity some accuse. "The devil made me do it" has become a common phrase today, included with some humor. But many still wholeheartedly believe that every little wrong they do is because of the adversary.

Please, people take some credit for your own actions and inactions! Blaming the adversary on our own shortcomings leaves us wide open to two grave issues.

First, we do not take responsibility for our own actions and continue to do as we have done, never learning nor correcting the error of our ways. Saying "the devil made me do it" enables people to alleviate themselves of both the blame and the responsibility.

Second, we give the adversary more power over our lives. When we believe that we can be swayed to the adversary's will, that belief opens a door we do not want opened. We become more readily swayed and, coupled with not accepting the responsibility, open ourselves to further mischief and malevolent behaviors.

When I fail, I can be tempted to say, "Ah, the devil's messing with my life." But after some thought, I take greater delight shouting out, "Heck, I'm not going to give that bitch the credit. I'm going to fix it and move on!" :D

Take responsibility
For our thoughts
For our actions

- ESA

Understanding the Difference

I want to share something I've learned with my readers, an understanding I came to realize. There are times, when I fail to reach a goal, falter in my steps or otherwise not perform as I should. Once I realize my error, one of two things can happen:

+ + +

I am repulsed by the act or failure to act on my part. I sincerely regret what I have done, see where I have gone wrong, and try to learn HOW to do it correctly. Then I am motivated to be stronger and do it right the next time. This way, I am enabled to learn from the mistake and grow.

Then there is a much darker path my head and heart can go....

I look at my failures and truly hate myself, my life, my being, my spirit, and my soul. I am filled with self-loathing, self-revulsion, and self-hatred; I am repulsed by what I see and can actually embrace the ideas that I am not worthy of another chance and that even God could not love me. I stick my head in the proverbial sand and hide - from myself, from what I have done, from God.

This is what will poison us from within. This kind of self-revulsion - not for the wrong we have done but to hate our very selves to the point where we cut God from our lives. We do not give ourselves the chance to seek forgiveness. We do not yearn for the opportunity to try again, to do better. We are just stuck in a rut, hating ourselves.

This hate can lead to other forms of self-infliction ~ cutting, self-mutilation, alcohol and drug abuse, as they are seen as an escape from this pain. Even worse, when we cannot love ourselves, we choke off our ability to love one another; those around us suffer too.

+ + +

My understanding came when I had the rare opportunity to feel both of these side-by-side. First I felt the darker emotions, and started to hide from God. Then I somehow realized what I was doing and felt penitent for letting myself get caught by such dark emotions and turning away from God, and I deeply desired to correct that.

Side-by-side, it become so clear. One helps you to be sincerely sorry, learn from it, and lifts you up to try again. The other tries to mire you down with self-loathing and helps you to hide from God's Loving heart.

Now I know the difference and strive to not only learn, but pass on what I know.

- ESA

Shredding the Bride's Gown

Today I read yet another statement from a religious group who claimed to know how to identify a false religion. Then they proceeded to list all that differed from their particular flavor. That alone stirred something very deep within me that wants to weep and rave and shout all at once!

The enemy doesn't have to fight against those who stand for God. We fight each other and the enemy just stands on the sidelines LAUGHING at us!!! Why can no one see this????

Why do so many continue to stand up and claim that their belief is the one true belief and all that follows another are doomed? Can they not see that by claiming this they expose one of the REAL ways they fail?

Those that are true to the calling:

• Teach that we should reach out to one another in Love - ALL people, including those who do not believe as we believe and even those who hate and persecute us.

• Do not ostracize, do not play favorites, do not hold themselves or their religion above others.

• Encourage people to reach out and help one another, to work collectively toward a greater good, to be the example.

• Do not do any work, good deed or act for their own benefit or the benefit of their group, but understands that ideally one performs this unseen or as unknown as possible and lets the good of that stand on its own with no name attached.

• Does not threaten, bully, scare, or use terror tactics, but reaches out with an open hand and an open heart, unafraid to listen to another to see how many more similarities there exists than differences ~ to connect the bridges, not build the walls.
  

• Does not count how many people they convert or teaches its followers to associate ONLY with those that believe as they do; that "groupthink" is how many are lead astray collectively.
  

Please, stop the fighting, both inter-denominational and inter-religious. A force divided can not stand as strong. Humanity was granted a very special gift that together we can do far more than the sum of our individual efforts.

Can you not see, what our fighting is doing? We are failing to realize that gift - that potential! And in the meantime we, ourselves, are bringing about our own defeat.

Please stop
Open our eyes
Open our ears

-ESA

God is Not Vanilla!

Recently I've corresponded with a fellow Christian from a different denomination. Curious about the specific beliefs, customs, practices and interpretations, I asked some questions. Before long, I was deluged with everything from sermons, to lessons, to videos and songs, to news and even the recent announcement from the head of their denomination.

Perhaps the sender hoped I'd join the same flock. But much of what I received left me with a very bitter taste in my mouth. While I've seen this with other religious groups - Christian, non-Christian and even some atheists, this recent interchange brought it home once again...

There are people that believe that THEIR way is the one and ONLY way. That everything they say about God is 100% correct. And that those who do not agree with them are going to suffer - anything from ostracism and insults in this world to eternal damnation in the next. This is the BIGGEST turnoff for me and even disgusts me when I see it taken to extremes!

GOD IS NOT VANILLA!

The best description I know is "God is unknowable." Period! Human beings are not able to fully understand all the myriad and mysterious aspects of God.

Those that limit God to their beliefs / understandings and cast judgment, cut off or ridicule others loose so much by their actions. They do such a grave disservice, both to God and to their own attempts of truly getting to know God.

I may not get them to see as I do. But I do try to keep my eyes, hand and heart open even if theirs are closed.

He drew a circle
That shut me out.
Heretic, rebel,
A thing to flout.
But Love and I
Had the wit to win;
We drew a circle
And took him in!

-Edwin Markham

- ESA

Twit-Gusted!

Those that follow my Twitter account closely may have noticed I dropped off twitter for a bit. Before I disappeared, I stopped thanking people publicly for re-postings/"retweets" (RTs), follow recommendations (FF), and mentions of my user-name in general.

While I still believe it's polite to thank someone when they recommend me, send greetings my way and sharing (RT) one of my posts that they liked, I came to realize that people like to see their user-name mentioned publicly on Twitter - including me. In order to perpetuate the mention of their user-name, some would re-post anything containing their user-name, including posts where I thanked a group of people.

This produced multiple copies of the same list, as one person would re-post it and others would re-post the re-postings, and so on. Soon my inbox was inundated with more nonsense re-posts than there were tribbles on the Enterprise!

All this is simply because people enjoy stroking their own and each other's egos. No useful information, inspiration, motivation, conversation or humor are in those posts, just repeated strings of usernames for the sake of seeing your name again and again.

It disgusted me when I realized what it was. Not only when I saw people do this earnestly every day, but also because I kept adding fuel to it when I continued to thank them publicly. I was also shamed because I also took delight in getting my ego stroked too as I jumped into the mutual masturbation circle.

I started to thank people privately through direct messages (DM's) on twitter and will probably continue to do so. But I had to take a step away from twitter - in disgust and shame.

How easy it was to start to love the feeling that welled within me when I saw my name mentioned, when I basked in the glow of recognition, and when I let that feeling steer me away from what I want to do with the tool twitter provides.

- ESA

Lament (Poem)

I heard the news today and with much fuss,
I curse the distance that stands between us.

Can it be true?
What they say about you?
From occasional drink to mind-numbing every night?
My dear friend, that is just not right.

Were I able, I'd be at your home this very night,
Throwing out the liquor and any alcohol in sight!
Think to get more; you wouldn't get far.
I have thrown myself atop someone's car.
But I'd rather damage a friend's car
Than bury that friend ~ by far!

My poor friend, I hope you come to know
I love you dearly and curse the miles so!!!
Acknowledge your struggle and pain I certainly do.
But I can not stay silent knowing what abuse can do.
You've started down that path; I've seen it before.
Job loss, totaled car, illness, death, so much more.
:(

Pain, disgust and despair;
These I know can lead you there.
Please don't let yourself this way be.
I thought you FOUGHT all things from the enemy.

Tell me to shut up, that I don't know anything.
That my words are nonsense; that I can be downright mean!
That I don't have the right to tell you how to live.
I'd rather you'd hate me, than face the alternative.

My dear friend, before I loose you,
Please, please open your eyes!
The unnumbered miles between us
Would not encompass my desperate cries!

-ESA

Sunrise Service (Poem)

Awake before the hours
of pre-dawn light
I don my work clothes
with much delight

Before the eastern horizon
is touched by the sun
Driven to a New England church
my in-laws and I have done

Before small children have started
their annual egg hunt
Cartons of eggs, ham and equipment
were hauled by this runt

Let's not forget one important part
We also helped start up the coffee pot

Eggs were scrambled
Ham was baked
Kitchen crew was busy
Make no mistake

From set-up to break-down
And all in between
We were an efficient crew
Left every thing clean

But when it came time
And there was no praise
Some felt we deserve...

The true message
of that day reminds us...
We all called to Serve

-ESA

Crying Wolf

Yesterday, I celebrated Easter with my family. While I was gathered with some on the east-coast (US) just north of New York City, another part had gathered on the west-coast in San Diego. Through Skype, we had a nice, long face-to-face, coast-to-coast chat individually and in groups.

Then it happened.

The 7.2 quake hit Baja California and rolled their section of San Diego while we watched.

It was a silent rolling, unlike the rumble-and-shake we east-coast folk see in the movies. Those on the west-coast struggled to convince us that there really WAS an earthquake going on.

Why?

My younger brother is a practical joker, and he's mastered how to do it with such a straight face he has pulled the wool over our eyes many times. When he reported, "We're having a quake right NOW!" none on the east-coast believed him.

All through the long interval where the earthquake continued to roll and sway their home, we kept arguing from the safe distance that he was "just trying to trick us again.

For those that do not know it, there is a story where a bored boy shepherd keeps running to the local town and cries out there is a wolf attacking the sheep. After one too many times of falling for his pranks, the town's folk no longer believe the lad. Then the wolf does come; he makes off with the sheep because the town's folk were convinced the true warning was another trick.

The very same thing happened to my brother yesterday.

It's not just a folk's tale.
There is a lesson there.
Never cry wolf!

- ESA

Innocence of Eggs (Story)

The fat hen opened one eye and glared at her husband, “What’s a-a-all that ru-ru-ruckus?” she clucked.

The rooster pulled his head out from under his wing and stretched his neck toward the wall. “I’ll g-g-go see,” he replied and fluffed his feathers against the cool desert night.

With a few awkward flaps, he crested the stone and mortar wall and looked down into the courtyard. “I-i-i-it looks as i-i-if they’re br-br-bringing a cr-cr-criminal to the high pr-pr-priest,” he reported to his wife.

Before he could turn around to return to their warm nest, the hen was beside him, feathers equally fluffed against the coolness.

“Th-th-the eggs!” the rooster reprimanded.

The hen shrugged and stretched her neck as far as it could go toward the gathering crowd. “I wa-wa-want to see this,” she hissed in reply.

The majority of the crowd moved into the building, but a number of people remained outside in the courtyard, building a charcoal fire to keep warm. While the gathering outside remained peacefully quiet, there was a rising ruckus within the building.

The rooster fluttered to an open window to witness the scene inside. The sounds of buffets and cries of “Prophesy!” drifted through the window where the cockerel sat, the glint of battle and bloodlust sparkling in his eyes.

At that moment, a woman left the building on some errand. Spotting the small group gathered near the fire, she eyed one of them closely and remarked, “You also were with Yeshua (Jesus) of Nazareth.”

The man shook his head vehemently, shrugging his head deeper into his head-cloth. “I neither know nor understand what you are saying,” he replied.

Seeing a seed of potential for more conflict and violence, the rooster alighted onto the courtyard wall and crowed, “His words are tr-tr-tr-tr-TRUE!”

The hen was shocked. She knew as well as her husband that those words were a lie. Could his desire for a fight drive him to this?

She kept silent, for she didn’t want the fight brought to her nest. What would her friends and neighbors say? No, it’s best to stay silent and let the fight go on elsewhere. She turned her attention back to the group around the fire.

The woman had now turned to the others around the fire; gesturing to the man she had spoken to and said, “This is one of them.”

Again, the man denied it.

By now the rooster was hopping from foot to foot; a wicked gleam in his eyes as he watched the scene unfold below.

One of the others turned toward the man and added, “Surely you are one of them, for you are also a Galilean.”

The accused man began to curse and swear at the others gathered around the fire. “I do NOT know this man you are talking about!” he shouted at them.

With glee, the rooster tossed up his head and crowed again, “His words are tr-tr-tr-tr-TRUE!”

And the hen remained silent.

Upon hearing the rooster’s crow a second time, the man paused as if poleaxed and then broke down and wept, fleeing from the courtyard in tears.

The rooster and hen did not see what became of that man, nor of any of the others gathered around the fire, nor of those still inside the building. For at that moment, an angel of the Lord wrapped in the brilliance of Heaven appeared before them both.

Turning wrathful eyes to the rooster, the angel proclaimed, “Because you have crowed such blasphemy not once, but twice, you shall not live to see another sunrise.”

Then the angel’s glare fixed upon the hen. “Because you knew his words were false and you did NOTHING and said NOTHING, you shall also never see another morning.”

In her horror, the hen finally remembered her nest of eggs cooling in the night air. “I-i-i-if I go, wh-wh-who will ca-ca-care for our ch-ch-chicks? Wi-wi-without one of us he-he-here, how wi-wi-will they sur-sur-survive?”

The angel’s eyes moved to where the nest lay at the foot of the courtyard wall, and the wrath in those eyes became tempered with mercy. “Your chicks are innocent of these crimes. The children should not bear the burden of the sins of the parent. So I will take these with me and they will be kept safe.”

With these words, the angel gathered up the eggs, nest and all and vanished. Where they went, neither hen nor rooster knew, for they did not see the next sunrise.

But we know what became of those eggs.

For you see, on the very next Sunday morning, a very special Man walked out of a lonely tomb into the rosy light just before sunrise.

Nearby, a rabbit was nibbling quietly on some greens. This rabbit paused and shyly approached this Man. The fact that the feet of this Man had holes, as did the hands that lovingly petting it, did not disturb this rabbit at all.

The Man smiled and said to the rabbit, “Because you are the very first of My Father’s creatures to greet me this day, I have a very special task I will ask of you."

As the Man straightened, an angel appeared at His side. In his hands, the angel held the nest full of eggs, but this time additional branches had been added to the nest, woven in an arc over it. This handle enabled one to carry the nest as a basket, gently keeping the eggs safe.

The Man took the basket and handed it to the rabbit saying, “The world is full of children as innocent as these eggs. I ask that you bring these eggs to the children everywhere. Do this every year, in memory of this morning.

"In their joy of innocence, they know Me. But as their innocence fades, they must strive to seek Me, for the world will try to hide Me from their eyes. So you must hide the eggs so the children must seek them. Perhaps in this way, when their innocence fades, they will remember these mornings and seek me with the same enthusiasm and joy in their hearts. Do this in memory of Me.”

__________________________________________________________________

The above story is free for all to copy/share, provided you do not make any profit from it nor change it in any way.

- ESA