Sulk

Often I like to envision myself like the image to the left.

I am confident.

I am a beloved child of God.

I am following the Spirit within me.

I am sharing God's Light and Love.

All is well.

I'm connected with my brothers and sisters.

All is right in the world.

But I'm a big girl and know this is not always the case.

Like today.

There are days where I will dig in my heals and fight against what I am guided to do.  

Given our free will, the Spirit will figuratively toss up its hands and warn that we will not be happy.

For today's sulk, I wanted to tweet. I was up early, but after a few tweets, I kept being drawn to work.

Technically, I don't have to be at the office until 8 am, and it was 5:30. I had already emailed my boss that I'll be out with a stomach flu, but I was also expected to generate my weekly reports this morning.

Those reports took a LOT longer than I expected. It may have taken less time if I didn't keep fighting and tried to back to Twitter, or Farmville or anything but work. But even with the fight, they were done by 9 am.

In a half-hour, my boss emailed me with a list of "hot" reports that needed to be done by noon. Then two more reports added to that list, which took me until 1 pm.

By 1 pm, I was physically and mentally exhausted. The flu bug had taken it's toll and I was ready for a nap. But the work was also done; I could sleep in relative peace.

It wasn't until I woke up around 3:30 that I realized how much I was sulking through the morning. It's now 5 pm and I never got back to the tweets that *I* wanted to do. But (as my cell phone rings again from the boss as I type this!) there are other responsibilities.

I cannot easily forget that when I do follow, the mundane work will be slid into the schedule effortlessly as well as all God wants me to do.

Was it God's Will that I tweet today?

Or was it my desire?

I have to face the truth of the matter: am I really following God's Will when I want to do things *my* way?

Or am I just sulking?

And, let's face it, we never out-grow the sulk.

:D

~ ESA

Trust in the Storm

When the winds of change buffet us and the storms of life overwhelm us, it is hard to trust. For when we trust, we must let go of what control we believe we have, of our reasoning, and at times of our very selves. When we are tossed about, letting go of the little security we have to cast ourselves into the screaming winds of the storm is frightening and even seems insane.

But there are times when we must do that and place our complete trust in God.

We may struggle for a time until we are ready to let go. Our head may even drop beneath the waves as the storms in our life take their toll. But His hand is ever outstretched, especially when we cannot see in the darkness and turmoil.

He will not fight our efforts, for our free will is something He respects. But He remains near us, ready to catch us and lift us to our feet when we acknowledge we need Him and finally place our trust in Him.

It's only when we stop insisting on doing things OUR way that we open our eyes and find that He's been holding onto our hand firmly and surely all the while.

- ESA