Relearning Trust

I wanted to share something I found quite remarkable.

This morning, I spoke with the manager of a local bagel shop asking if they could be a clothing donation drop-off point for the local homeless. She refused with the same excuse I've heard last year from the prior manager. I paused to take a sip of coffee and work on how I would word the argument. But in that pause, the woman continued to speak.

So instead of interrupting, I listened.

As the woman spoke, she actually talked herself into agreeing with the idea. She pointed out how convenient it would be, as people stop off at her bagel shop on their way to work. She indicated how often she had driven around for months with potential donations in her car, with no time in her busy day to drop it off at a place outside of her routine. And more.

I didn't need to say a word; Another was talking.

Last week, I heard someone comment that we need to place more trust in God. Sadly I will admit, it's very hard to put my complete trust in God that He will help. I know it intellectually, believe it in my heart. But when it comes into putting that into practice...

... I falter often.

And then I'm given a little reminder, like this morning. Seeing this helps me in a way beyond what I can put in words.

I am small in a Creation far greater than what my mind can understand. I need to learn to be like a child and reach out my hand in complete trust, letting God guide me and help me get things done.

Each day of my life.

- ESA

Reminders

A question a friend posed pricked me when I re-read it this morning. "How long do you think you will be able to hold onto the message? The enemy will back down whilst you have understanding, but after a bit of time will lure you back to old ideas."

Like many my age, I need to give myself reminders - post-it notes, memos on calendars, voice-mails, emails, repetition and bookmarks. That is just the daily routine stuff.

When there is something that strikes me as important, I copy it into a Word document or write it in a my small journal in my laptop bag. This way, after some time passes and I start to forget the lesson, I can go back and re-read it.

For the question above, it's a good indicator that I've already fallen back to my old habits; I got a similar response to the words as I did when I initially read them. Even though a message struck home at first, the lesson faded with time. I still live in a corrupt and corruptible world. This is still the playground of the enemy, and I am still susceptible.

If I want to continue to grow, I really need to keep valuable lessons at hand and do what I can not to forget them.

They are my stepping stones.
I can still trip.
And start again!

-ESA

Paperclips

Though my bloodline makes me an American-European mutt, I grew up with a strong Irish-American background. Not only did we revel in the gift to tell stories, elaborate and exaggerate events and, as Mark Twain once quipped, "never let the truth get in the way of a good story." After nearly four decades of this, lying had become second-nature and I discovered I was astute at it. Sadly, this was a talent that was not only praised but celebrated in my family. :(

A few years ago, I reached a point where I wanted to improve myself - Spiritually and morally. I had to face the fact: LYING HAD TO STOP. It was hard. I tried and failed and tried again so many, many times. The enemy had practically convinced me that it was impossible as I was so set in my ways that I couldn't change.

A fellow co-worker at the time was in Weight Watchers and had told me how hard it was for her to change her eating habits. Then she took out this string of five colored paperclips. She told me that each paperclip represented a pound that she had lost on the plan. Every week she gets evaluated and paperclips are either added or removed, depending on how well she is doing. Anytime she starts to cave in to the temptation of food, hunger and lifestyle pattern she pulls out these paperclips and reminds herself, "I've come this far. I will not blow it by giving into temptation now." The longer the chain, the greater her desire to fight the temptation.

I used this to help me.

I started simple. For every day that I didn't tell a lie, I would add a paperclip. I didn't carry them around. I hung them from a push-pin in the wall right next to my laptop screen at the office. Work was where I was frequently tempted to lie. For example, I would lie to my boss about why the work wasn't done, as I chatted, tweeted, watched videos, etc. instead of doing my work first as I should. You can see how lies progressed into something even larger. So that is where I needed my reminders the most. As an added incentive, the place I chose to start the chain was beside an image of Yeshua / Jesus I have on the wall.

Day-by-day, I progressed. Days I lied, I removed one paperclip. Days I went through without a lie, I added one. There were stretches when the paperclip I added on the wall in the morning was gone before quitting time. But little-by-little, through persistence and prayer, I managed to have that chain grow. It was beautiful! And what my co-worker said was true. The longer the chain, the more incentive I had NOT to lie. I even found that I would go back to my boss after the lie and admit that I lied, apologized, and did my work as I should.

One day, I found the chain was nearly to the floor. Then I upped the challenge. I would continue to add a paperclip (looping it if I have to) for each day I managed to not tell a lie, but I would remove ALL paperclips if I lied. The first time I lied after that point was tragic. I cannot describe the pain and shame as I went paperclip by paperclip unhooking that wonderfully long chain and putting the paperclips back in the container. I felt like an utter failure.

But I began again. One paperclip. One day. Another and the chain grew again.

After several weeks of this, I switched to one paperclip for each week. This made things even harder. For one lie would destroy weeks of work! The chain hanging beside Christ's image kept me strong as I struggled each day not to lie. And when I messed up and did lie, I wept as I dismantled that chain.

Months came and went and new calendars were hung on that wall as the years changed. Eventually I no longer needed the paperclip chain. They are forever engraved in my mind. Every time I find a lie slip through my lips I cringe. Sometimes I cry. I am not perfect. I ask forgiveness and begin again each and every time. But I have been able to keep lies from me as much as I possibly can. In fact, it's now painful for me to intentionally lie. So I don't.

What else can I now change in my life?
One paperclip at a time.
And begin again.

-ESA

Eye-for-Eye

One of the tweets I found on Twitter is this: "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." ~ Mahatma Gandhi

There is much truth in this.

The phrase "an eye for an eye" is used to imply equitable retribution, but the way I see it:

• An eye for an eye is the maximum allowed
• It is not the minimum
• And it is certainly NOT a requirement

I agree with Gandhi in his statement above; when people seek the most they can get in recompense for that which has been wronged to them, we will collectively destroy this world.

-ESA

Asking "Why?"

Often I try to see things from different perspectives, as far as the limits of my mind, my experiences and my perceptions can take me.

One of the things that has occurred to me is this:

God is like a Parent.

When a child is young, the parent will rebuke, intervene, discipline and rescue the child from the trouble the child has gotten into.

When the child grows, more responsibility is given to the child with the understanding that the child has learned what is right and what is wrong and how to self-discipline and continue to grow.

In most cases, a parent will only dress a child for so many years, then guide the child in what to wear, eventually letting the child not only dress him/herself but make the decisions on what to wear and letting him/her handle the repercussions on his/her own.

I believe that to God, Humanity is like that child.

Over the centuries, we've grown and have now reached a point where we know what is right and wrong and can assume some responsibilities for ourselves and our lives.

But we keep turning to God and asking, "Why don't you do something about all the evils in this world."

I think many fail to realize... God may well be asking Humanity the same question.

-ESA

Soup Story (Story)

Hi folks,

I'm re-posting a story I wrote around this time last year:

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As we’ve now entered the time of year when what is planted and tended is finally harvested, I believe it’s time for a soup story…

There was once a little village in a time not so long ago. Unlike the days of old when the villagers once worked the land as their ancestors, these villagers got into their cars and traveled a distance – sometimes a great distance to get to the jobs they worked. For you see, these jobs paid for the food on their table, paid for the clothes on their back and paid for the roof over their head. But in those days, taxes weren’t so high, jobs paid well, and there was even time for leisure where the village would hold picnics and parties and music concerts on the village green. Neighbors and friends had time to visit one another and even help one another. It was a close knit community. There was even money to spare, and the village would raise funds to donate to charities, such as the soup kitchens in the nearby cities. This went on for several years.

Then times changes, as they sometimes do. Businesses closed nearby and the villagers had to travel even further from home. Leisure time became less. Neighbors stopped seeing each other as much, but would still make time to attend the gatherings on the village green. Unfortunately, they didn’t have the time to visit each other nor help one another like before. Money was still good, but not as good as before. Donations were slimmer at the charities. This went on for some years.

Times changed again. Businesses were laying off, and taxes were rising. The villagers also changed a bit more inside. It had been some time since they knew their neighbors. There were fewer and fewer people they recognized at the village gatherings. Who were all these new people? Where did they come from? Are they after our jobs? If they take our jobs, how will I feed my family? Will we loose our home?

The the news spoke of terrible things that neighbor did against neighbor, and informed one and all that they should be alert against strangers. The attendance at the village green shrank and eventually the village no longer held these outings. Villagers would get home, stay on their own lot and lock their windows and doors, careful not to be noticed by any strangers in their midst.

Then taxes continued to rise, the price of gas skyrocketed and jobs were cut again. With money only trickling in and signs that there were even tougher times ahead, donations dried up. The nearby soup kitchens closed.

Now, during this time, on a bright October day, a minister to the poor and hungry in the nearby city decided to try the local villages to see if he could get any donations to reopen the soup kitchens. But try as he might, house by house, block by block, no one had anything to spare, not even a box of macaroni and cheese or a can of soup. Some would not even open the door because he was a stranger.

It didn’t take this minister long to see that not only had this village come upon hard economic times, but the community itself that once thrived in villages like this had also vanished. Taking the villagers into his heart, he decided to do something to help them before he went on his way to the next village.

Near the town green, he spied an old propane grill on one side of someone’s home. He knocked on the door again and said to the surly man who answered, “Excuse me, sir, I know you do not have any food to spare, but I just noticed your gas grill – the one rusting on the side of your house. Could I borrow it to heat up some food out there on the green? You see, we’re going to have an end of the season party, a nice one with food and games and music and laughter. We could use your grill.”

The surly man eyed the minister suspiciously. “Why? There’s no any gas for it.”

The minister merely shrugged, “I would appreciate it if you let me borrow it all the same. I will certainly return it when I’m done.”

The surly man gazed at the minister a long minute and ran his eyes over the expanse of the village green. A few lonely oak trees stood majestically, brightly colored leaves fluttering to the empty lawn beneath them. There was no one on the green or even outside. “Who’s the ‘we’ at this party? There’s no one out there.”

The minister smiled broadly, “Oh, the whole village is invited; you’re more than welcome to come too. It’ll be fun!”

The surly neighbor’s eyes narrowed and he thought a few moments. “What will you charge for those attending?”

“Charge?” asked the minister shocked. “Why nothing! This is merely a friendly gathering. Friends don’t charge friends when they gather together. But” added the minister, “if you feel like bringing anything out to share, it will be more than appreciated. However, it’s not a requirement.”

The surly man shook his head and the beginnings of a smile crept at the corners of his mouth. “I don’t know what you’re up to, you old coot. But sure, you can borrow my grill. But I can’t give you anything else…” He stepped out of his home and unlocked the grill from the metal pole that secured it.

“I thank you for your loan, that is more than sufficient,” added the minister as he wheeled the grill across the road and onto the village green.

Next, the minister found another gas grill – this time with an empty propane tank. After a similar conversation, he wheeled the second grill next to the first.

Then he found someone who had a little propane left in his tank a little further from the green and managed to acquire this and connected it to the first grill.

After that, the minister wound his way to some of the neighbors and was able to obtain four oversized pots – two for each grill.

With a little bit of a jig in his walk, the minster then went in search of water. “Just a little tap water will do just fine” he told them. Soon he had all four of the borrowed pots full.

By now, the villagers had become very curious. Even though they were suspicious of this stranger in their midst, what kind of harm could he do with four large pots of water, two gas grills and barely enough propane to light one grill for two minutes. They started to gather on the green, keeping their distance from this strange minister and each other, but curious one and the same.

The minister looked up from his work as he finished pouring the last of the water into the forth pot. He smiled broadly and pointed to the nearby picnic tables that had become grey and weathered and long since unused. “It’s going to take some time before the soup will be ready. Perhaps you could sit there and play some games until then.”

The villagers looked wide-eyed at the tables and back to the minister. “There’s no games over there,” one of the villagers called back.

The minister looked over at the tables as if surprised. “Oh, I haven’t gotten them yet. Does anyone know who would be willing to loan us some cards or maybe a board game we can play until the soup is ready?”

“I have some cards I can bring out,” one villager called back and hurried back to her home.

“My kids have some fun board games,” replied another and he hurried off in a different direction.

In no time there were quite a few villagers out on the green on this nice sunny autumn day. Some brought a baseball, bat and gloves and started an impromptu game in one corner; others were playing dodgeball or tag, while those gathered around the picnic tables watched or played the various games that had started there.

In the meantime the minister went out again, asking house to house for some salt, pepper, and common herbs and seasonings. These he added to the cold water in the four large pots above the two unlit grills.

A young man, at the prompting of some neighbors went over to the minister. “How do you expect to heat this soup without any propane?”

The minister tapped the gauge of one tank -- just under a sixteenth of a tank. “This is enough to start. But if someone could donate a little more, I would greatly appreciate it. It will heat up the soup that much faster.”

The young man, smiled and almost laughed. “I’d say it would….” He paused and glanced over at his family. “Say, I have about half a tank at home. This is probably the last time we’d have to use it. I’ll bring it over.”

The minister grinned broadly, “Thank you.”

By the time the young man walked back to the green with the propane tank on his shoulder, a second villager was heading out to get his. Soon the two grills were lit and a vapor of steam wafted off the surface of the contents of the four pots.

A middle-aged woman wandered over as minister was stirring with a long-handled wooden spoon he managed to borrow from somewhere. She glanced into the pots with a knowing eye and commented, “That’s a mighty thin soup you’ve got there.”

“Yes,” replied the minister with a sad smile. “But these are thin times and we can not give what we don’t have…”

The woman glanced at the minister and then at the growing crowd on the village green. “I have some potatoes I was planning for our dinner tonight. It looks like we’re going to be eating here instead, so I’ll bring them out to you. It’s not much but it will help your soup.”

The minister smiled broadly and the hints of tears appeared in his eyes. “That would be a very generous donation, ‘mam. Thank you very much.”

The woman returned with an armload of potatoes, just enough for one and a half in each pot. When she returned to the villagers gathered around the tables, some asked her why she gave the stranger her food. When she told them her reasons, a few others nodded and departed to their kitchens. Soon a few limp carrots and some cabbage were added to the pots.

An old man wandered over to pots and commented to the minister. “You know, sonny. I remember a lean time long before this. My mum would make soup like this back in the ‘30’s. It was a real treat for us when we could get hold of some chicken necks to toss in there.”

The minister’s nose crinkled a bit. “Chicken necks?”

“Aye, sonny, there’s some meat to be had on the necks and there’s flavor from the bones.”

The minister nodded and laughed a little. “It’s a nice thought, but I don’t think the local supermarket carries chicken necks.”

“Laugh and think what you will, sonny. But I used to be a butcher. I still do some butchering now and then.” And the old man winked at the minister. “I have some in my freezer now, if you promise not to tell the others what they are. They think I’m old and crazy as it is.”

The minister’s eyes widened with delight. “That would be wonderful!”

The old man shuffled off to his home humming an old tune that arose from his heart.

Little by little, the small donations the villagers made thickened the soup. Soon the aroma filled the village green and the hungry villagers passed the remaining time playing games, and singing songs accompanied by the guitars and other musical instruments people had brought out. Laughter and the buzz of conversation among neighbors rose in the village green as the shadows of the great oaks extended across the October grass.

In the fading daylight the villagers headed home for their bowls and mugs as well as jackets and wraps. They lined up peaceably while the minister spooned out the soup to any who wanted it. In the cool air after a fun day in the sunshine, the soup was warm and wonderful. Everyone had a smile on their face.

Those who loaned the pots were surprised there was some soup leftover and offered some to their neighbors as they headed home.

When the gas grills where wheeled away and the last of the villagers were heading home in the darkness. The minister returned to his car with a sigh. He didn’t accomplish what he planned to do here; there was still no food for the soup kitchen… Then he heard two people talking as they walked by his car on their way home.

“You know, Joe, that was fun. We should do that more often.”

“You’re right, Bob. It’s amazing how far so little food could go.”

The minister smiled to himself as he realized maybe he didn’t fail at all…

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- ESA

Tripod of Growth

There are three things that will help someone grow in Spirit and Soul. These are prayer, fasting and good works. Like three legs of a tripod, they must work together in harmony and balance; too much of one or not enough of another and the whole thing will fail.

Prayer is the direct communication between humanity and God. It's not a one-way monologue, as God does communicate to us even if only our Spirit can understand it. Nor should prayer be a wish list; we need to be open and ready to change and guidance for the help we request.

Fasting does not only mean to refrain from eating or to not eat certain foods. In a broader context, fasting means abstinence (an act or practice of refraining from indulging an appetite) or a period of such abstention or self-denial. In essence, we refrain from something in our life as a means of self-discipline. It is often associated with something we enjoy (food being the most common, but also TV, internet, etc.), but it can also be abstaining from something we revile about ourself, such as lying, cheating or procrastination. When we take on the challenge of self-discipline through fasting, our strength to resist temptation grows.

Good Works are anything we can do to help another in this world. For these good works to count in personal growth, they must be done either in secret or accomplished in such a way that as few people as possible know who is doing these works. This is the most difficult leg to develop. Often we are tempted to illustrate the good works that we do (see prior posts), but that only deflates the values of the good works. The good works need to stand on their own merit without our shouting about it or putting a spotlight on it. If it's a true good work, the act, deed, word or work WILL stand on its own. Others will see it or the results and KNOW "this is a good thing."

Not only does the good works need to be done in secret, they MUST be done for the benefit of another. When we do good works to better ourselves, we only serve ourselves. If a work is done so we can brag about it, add it to our resume, or call attention to ourself, sadly we have already received our reward and it does not serve to support our personal growth.

Only when we truly help another selflessly does the work itself take us to the personal growth we seek. This is often best accomplished through humility. When we humbly serve another, seeking nothing for ourselves, something grows within us, opening us up to greater awareness and ways we can perform even greater works. But if we seek this greater awareness and ways first, we will only find deception, corruption and lies as the enemy will use this to lead us astray.

That is why humility plays a key role here.

It's a tricky path.
But worth it.
Always.

-ESA

Wings (Poem)

This is something I remember from my very early childhood. I don't know if it was something I was told or just made up myself, but I'd like to share it here. I think it's a beautiful allegory.

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When we are born, we are given a pair of wings. (\/)
These wings cannot be seen or felt. (\/)
But they are with us all our lives. (\/)

At the very moment we are born, (\/)
The wings are just the right size. (\/)
But as we grow and age, (\/)
The wings need to grow with us. (\/)
If not, they will fail. (\/)

As we live our lives, (\/)
The good that we do in this world cause these wings to grow. (\/)
The bad that we do in this world cause the wings to shrink. (\/)
If we do nothing, they will fail. (\/)

At the end of our lives, a trap door opens beneath our feet. (\/)
If our wings aren't strong enough, (\/)
They support the weight of our lives on our souls (\/)
-we fall! (\/)

If they can support us (\/)
But not large enough to let us to soar like an eagle, (\/)
We still have some work to do. (\/)

But if our wings are full and strong, (\/)
They can carry us into the Glories of Heaven above. (\/)
And there, our souls will rejoice! (\/)

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How fares your wings? (\/)
Will you fall? (\/)
Or soar! (\/)

-ESA

Sorry Excuses

There have been many times in my life when I've used excuses. Some were legitimate excuses, "I'm late; I was in car accident on my way here." Others were lame excuses I either used to get out of something or to placate someone.

The lame excuses arise because I’m ashamed. The shame stems from the realization that I acted poorly, did something wrong, or didn't do something I should have done. "No, boss, I didn't do the work you assigned me; I was busy with something else," is an excuse I'd often use after I was caught chatting with a friend or playing a game instead of doing real work.

Sadly, this is something that is not only prevalent in society, but it can even be celebrated when one who is very skilled at coming up with creative excuses is praised. Be it so; it's still wrong. The excuse only hides the shame; the shame is still there, buried. One way or another, we will eventually have to face the reality of WHY we did or did not do things, and the shame will spring up in our faces unexpected, raw and even painful.

In addition, lame excuses hide the real reasons we do things. This means we cannot learn or grow from the experience. We continue doing what we should be ashamed of doing. For example, I continued to chat with friends and play computer games instead of getting the work I should be doing done first. It nearly cost me my job, but I continued to lie to myself with these excuses, and that hid the reality that I had a problem. I did not learn until my job was threatened and then reality came crashing in like a ton of bricks.

Even more recently, I've also discovered that good acts can be used as lame excuses. For example, at one point I was taking the time to help one friend through withdrawal, consoling someone else, and working on a project for a third. Then I bit someone's head off. I said, "Sorry, but I'm helping one friend through withdrawal, consoling someone else, and working on this project. That is the reason I bit your head off."

At first, this appears like it's a legitimate excuse, like the car accident above. But let's look at this from a different perspective. I was doing all three things independently and without anyone's awareness save the people directly involved. These were good works I had been doing in secret. But because I now used them as an excuse, only for the sake of alleviating the shame I felt, I had trumpeted those good works (see below) trading all of the value of what I had done for the mere patch to cover that bit of shame I felt.

On Twitter @Jesus_ posted a nugget of wisdom: "Just say sorry, don't complicate the matter by using excuses." I can see now, why that is true. Christ also mentioned that we should simply say "yes" or "no" and everything beyond that is of the evil one (Matthew 5:37) who can use it to advantage. The same can be said of said of apologies; simply say "sorry." What advantage does the evil one have with a few extra words? Evidently from the case described above, those extra words cost me the value of the good works as I have called the spotlight to them.

In our world, we're tempted to add "but" followed by whatever we can think of that will cover our shame or placate the recipient of the words - even if the recipient only ourselves.

Don't complicate the matter by using excuses.
Don't give away good works.
Keep it simple.

-ESA

Sound the Trumpet

Earlier this week, I had an eye-opening experience.

Our office building (with a handful of businesses with one to four employees each) decided to collectively gather donations of clothing, baby items, toiletries, school supplies, etc. to send down to flood-stricken Georgia.

While I was packaging up the boxes to be shipped out on Monday, one of the women who works in the building came down the stairs and watched. She made very certain I knew which of the bags were from her.

Within one bag I found the receipt, which I just handed to her without glancing at it. Then the woman started itemizing each and every item she donated AND THE PRICE of each one. Then she added after summing up her contribution, "I see that some people only brought in used clothing to donate. *I* went out and BOUGHT new stuff. After all I believe one must really SACRIFICE in order for the good deed to count." With that she strutted up the stairs.

I was disgusted by her behavior. I know times are lean and people can only contribute what they can afford. Some donated used clothing, but others had purchased new items as well. For the bulk of the contributions, none but the giver knows who placed them in the box. But this woman made it sound as if her contribution was far greater than any other.

A friend of mine had the right train of thought; he said "She got her reward." Like Christ said of those who clashed the cymbals as they made their way through the street calling everyone's attention to their fasting or prayers, those who make a "big to-do" over what they do call the spotlight to themselves. That one little moment that the spotlight touches them IS their reward. That's it. If that truly is all they seek, then let them have that spotlight.

But for those who seek more than a moment of fleeting fame, let them do things in secret. If not in secret, at least don't call attention to what you do or shout about what you've done for all to hear. The acts, deeds, works and words WILL speak for themselves so others can see the good of those things. And in the life to come, God will know who performed those things and did not call the spotlight to them.

The rest is just stardust that blows off our skin and clothes in the coming storm.

Works that are done in secret
Wonders of the next life
Forever

-ESA

Comfort Zone

Recently, I've had to wrap my mind around something which caused me to evaluate myself in a whole new light. What I discovered: truth is not always a bright rainbow in a cloudless sky. Truth can make us uncomfortable. Truth can be scary. Truth can even hurt.

When I faced this, I would always run back to my comfort zone. I would turn back to that which I knew, the way I thought the world was and will always be. Then I either become lost in the lies I wrap around myself once again, or I see the wrappings as lies and they rot in my hands as I stretch them ever thinner before the truth.

Often when one says, "When we step out of the comfort zone, we grow," they speak of learning something new. Whether it it developing a new talent, making a new friend or moving to a new area, this will be true. But that statement also reflects the reality of facing the truth.

If I step away from my comfort zone, step away from the familiar untruths and face the truth, I can learn and grow. In the end, that growth far outweighs any discomfort, fear and pain I feel. Yes, I swallow hard, feel the blood pulsing through my rapidly beating heart, take a deep shaky breaths and experience the tears streaming down my face. It is not easy.

That growth makes me stronger, able to get through even greater challenges ahead and gives me what I need to help others get over the hurdle I just faced. It takes courage - a LOT of courage - and faith. I had the faith to know I was not alone as I struggled to face the truth and learn from it, change with it. That, I believe, made a tremendous difference.

What is this truth? There are many truths that will be revealed to a person in life. Sometimes many times, sometimes only once. Some know one truth but not others that are waiting to be discovered and learned from. Each provides a chance to grow inside. And many times, truth can be something very personal yet very profound.

I will admit, there are times even after I've struggled through once, that I will tend to hide in my comfort zone when I face another. It gives me smoother sailing during my day, but at night leaves me to wonder what opportunity for growth have I just let slip past. Was I too asleep in my comfort zone? Or did I give in to the fear and run hiding like a child who's afraid of the dark?

I should stop doing that. It is hard, but possible.

I know fear is used to keep me from knowing and understanding the truth - fear of what people will say, fear of what I will find out, fear of the unknown, fear of the discomfort and pain... but mostly fear that I will have to realize I was wrong! For some reason, that seems to be the most difficult for me to overcome. I can admit I was wrong. I can apologize for being wrong. But when it comes to REALIZING deep within my heart, mind and soul that I WAS wrong is very, VERY scary and can even be painful. That seems to drive me back to the comforting lies more than anything else.

And it shouldn't.

That's where my resolve to do right and be a righteous person is tested the hardest it seems. The biggest battles are often fought within the heart.

But I continue to strive, and will as long as I'm alive...
To keep stepping out of that comfort zone...
And grow.

-ESA

Public Praise - Hidden Gems

One of the things I've discovered about myself recently. If I do some good in this world, something whispers in my head that I should sing about it. There are several acts of kindness I may do throughout the day, some just small little things. Even as I write this, I'm tempted to start listing them. I even had it typed out and deleted them.

I get the impression that I should tweet about it on Twitter; that it will be a good example to others. I get the urge that I should make a video about each of the good works I do and show people how they too can help. I'm led to believe that I should blog about it, illuminating the path others could take and made this world a better place.

I will tell you why I really should NOT and - to the level best that I can achieve in my imperfect life - do not.

When one does a good work and then publically sings, displays, exhibits, demonstrates or otherwise publicizes the good work, they will get public recognition. People will join in singing their praises and mimic their works in the attempt to get a piece of that spotlight. Many will likewise do the same and get some of the star-sparkle glittering on their names as well.

But in my life, it's not the spotlight nor the star-sparkle I seek. Those are things that are not-only short lived, they are only external - of this outside world. The spotlight does not illuminate that which is within the person, just the outside face they show to the world. I seek a greater Light to illuminate my works.

When we do good works in this world, it builds something beautiful beyond words within us. But when we use such good works as a lure of the spotlight, it's like letting the air out of a tire - it deflates us. We are sparkling in the spotlight for a short time and left deflated for a much greater period of time...

Further, I will NOT buy into the belief that if one does not know my works, I will not be a good example to others. In fact, the opposite is true, one's acts shine with their own brilliance. If we seek the public spotlight, we exhibit the wrong desire and are a poor example.

Those that do things "hidden" or in small unrecognized ways, already know that their works shine. It's seen in the sparkle of the tearful eyes of one benefiting from the kindness, in the emotional tremor of a quietly spoken "thank you" or in the inner warmth one receives when they do some good and none but God knows it was by their hand.

These hidden gems are the ones that people see and realize - THIS IS A GOOD THING - without a word being spoken or a camera filming it. These shine on their own and its by their light that the true example is shown. This is a far more beautiful thing than can ever be found in this world. Hidden in the clasp of a loving hand in a lonely one, in the smile of a stranger's face, in the little act that makes someone's life a bit more easier to bear...

Where can you plant hidden gems?
Let their light shine!
Brightly.

-ESA

Distractions

It's amazing how many distractions I can find in my life if I just sit back and take the time to notice that they are there. I've had several great topics I wanted to blog, friend's emails I wanted to reply to, friends and relatives I mean to call, time I need to spend with my husband... things that should get done but gets swept away by petty, little -- and sadly pointless -- distractions.

Distractions are little things I will turn my attention to instead of that which I should do. This can be a game, sudoku puzzle, surfing the internet aimlessly, reading a book, and many other things that, by themselves, aren't bad to indulge in but do not need to be done before that which should be done.

This will most often happens when I find that which I should do as difficult or uncomfortable. The distractions bring a sense of comfort, familiarity, fun or similar feelings. For example, in writing this blog alone, I have been distracted and have:

• written a list of other ideas to blog
• loaded a program on my boss' computer
• chatted with someone
• read other people's blogs
• watched videos posted on the internet
• looked up which founding father mentioned "an armed and educated populace" is an essential thing <-- and that one took a good chunk of time
  
  
• helped my boss look for a lost wallet
• written to someone about the "armed and educated populace" findings
• further chatted with people...

You get the idea... I was even having distractions distract me from the original distractions. LOL This has taken three hours of time wherein this blog (and the others on that list) could have been done.

What's wrong with distractions (other than not getting work done)? They can mislead us from what we should do, what we should hear, what we should see, where we should be. Like a child being led away with the promise of candy and fun times, we can let the little distractions that infiltrate our activities lead us away from what we should do in this life.

Distractions are little temptations. Temptation will not come in the form of a winged devil offering you the best the world can offer and all you have to do is say yes or no. It can come in the form of tiny little distractions, procrastinations and deviations that can lead us astray, one sidestep at a time.

In the end, when we look back on our lives, what will we see? Will we see the achievements we've accomplished, the good that we've done, the people that we have helped, or will we see all the little distractions that, in the end, really amount to nothing.

When I see what the little distractions can do in my life, I see where I need to shoulder my burdens a bit better and, like a quarterback with those really big shoulder-pads, take the treasure of the goal I wish to accomplish in my arms and plunge my way through all the little distractions that try to tackle me and take me down before I can reach my objective.

The ball is in your hands now.
Will you fumble
Or score

- ESA

What is the Other Message?

During a long drive this past weekend, my husband and I listened to a commercial and it brought to mind one of our long-standing conversations - what ELSE is the commercial saying?

• In this radio ad, there was a teenage girl sobbing her eyes out that her figure and face wasn't as pretty as those in the magazines. The consoling mother knew just what to do - take the girl shopping to the local outlets stores. The teenage girl instantly stopped her sobbing and cheered right up. Loving mother even commented on how happy her daughter now was.

The obvious message - shop at the local outlet stores - had an additional message. If we don't like what we see in the mirror, go shopping. After all, material goods BUYS happiness!

• A cologne commercial on TV has all the girls dismissing this guy until he starts wearing this particular cologne. Then the girls stream out of no where and hang all over this guy, clinging to his every word, look, gesture, and - to a significant degree - body part.

The obvious marketing message - buy this cologne - is heavily influenced by the message that, as a society, guys WANT women to hang all over them. If the women aren't, there MUST be something wrong with you, so go out and buy more products: scents, designer clothes, sports cars, etc. so women will swoon over you too. After all, it's not WHO you are but WHAT you can buy that makes you a person of worth!

• A commercial aired during a children's television show had an animated rabbit talking with a glum-looking group of kids. The mother of one of kids comes back from shopping. No one goes to help. The rabbit gets the kids to ask if they can have the chocolate flavored milk IF they help. Then the kids immediately descend on the car and help carry in the groceries. They line up with big smiles right after the chocolate powder (first and only thing removed from the grocery bags) is out.

The commercial message - buy this chocolate powder - has several other messages. First, the children need this chocolate powder to be happy. (And I'm sure I'm not the only adult who has seen a child throw a temper-tantrum, a hissy-fit, or just pout/mope because (s)he didn't get chocolate-flavored milk.) Second, don't ever volunteer to help one another; instead demand "what's in it for me?" Third, as soon as you reached the goal you wish to accomplish - stop helping. And finally, if you are bored – eat and/or drink something. It will alleviate boredom AND make you happy. Is this really what we want to teach our children?

• There is a candy commercial that also broadcasts during children's shows. A teen / tween is hanging out on some picnic tables under a pavilion with some friends his age. He is eating some candy. One of his friends asks "can I have some?" At which point this guy pauses and slugs his friend - hard - knocking him out.

Well beyond the "buy this candy" message. There a startlingly horrifying message. Not only do you NOT want to share, you ATTACK someone who just asks for something? What does this teach our children?!? What does it teach the adults? Is this how we view society today?

• The same candy has another commercial where one older teen walks into the room and if his friend has eaten the candy out of the hour glass. The other denies it. The teen starts to age dramatically, so the one sitting there comments, “Well, maybe just one or two..” and continues to eat the candy while watching his friend become a sad, old man.

In addition to "buy this candy" message, we are taught that your should lie to keep out of trouble. When caught in the lie (with evidence shown) that we should still lie while confessing it’s just “one or two.” And, of course, it’s perfectly acceptable to sit there complacently enjoying the fruits of another’s labors (it WAS the first guy’s candy) while watching the other suffer! Think about what this is telling us.

• A fast-food commercial shows this car at a drive-thru window with a guy ordering his meal. Out of no where, the car behind him hits his vehicle hard and continues to forcibly push it out of the way. Then the second driver (smiling at his success) orders the new burger on the menu.

So not only do we take away that we need to buy this new burger from this chain, but we are permitted - actually encouraged - to push people out of the way as we do so. That reaching our goal is the most important thing - no matter how we hurt another, damage another's goods and are just plain rude to our fellow human being.

There are many, many more commercials I can go through. Sometimes it's an eye-opener to sit through them and ask after each one: "OK, what is the OTHER meaning?" It helps open your eyes to all the messages beyond selling a product or service.

How many times do we simply ignore it, or worse - absorb it. This is, after all, a reflection on the way society is, isn't it? Or are we really “sheeple” and just roll over saying, "sure, kids today don't want to help" or "keep your hands off MY stuff" like the commercials teach us?

We need to acknowledge that the other messages are there. See them. Hear them. Then we need to see the response people around us have to those messages. Are they ignoring them? Are they buying into the messages? Are they repeating those actions? Are we?

Next, we need to do something about it. Bringing the additional message to another's attention is a simple and non-confrontational way. Another idea is bringing the mimicked actions to another's attention -- and be willing to have others bring our actions to our attention too. This isn't easy, but it will help counter all the additional messages woven through commercials and scattered like rotten grain into our society. If we simply help each other refocus - person-to-person - we can slow down or stop the spread of these secondary messages.

Perhaps one day we'll see more commercials that focus on building up the community, family, faith in one another, and sharing love instead of fighting over candy...

What is the other message?

See, hear, acknowledge

Spread the word

- ESA

The Choir (Choirii) (Story)

This is a story I was told long ago and has recently resurfaced. I've been asked to share:

--------------------------------------

THE CHOIR (CHOIRII)

In a time before the fall, long before humans were ever created, was a time of God and His angels.

One day, God commanded the angels before the Throne to sing a song.

The angels gathered at once to obey His command.

However, one angel's heart wasn't into it, and did not put his/her full effort into the song.

After all, (s)he believed, "it would not matter if I do not sing my best. For mine is just one small voice within the vast multitude."

The song started beautifully.

But since the angel's heart wasn't in the song, it wasn't as perfect as it should have been.

Notes were missed.

This wrecked havoc on the harmony, which in turn led to the ultimate collapse of the melody - it was a disaster.

God was furious!

He knew what happened and why.

He let forth a tremendous Wrath upon all the angels of the choir.

All parts of Heaven reverberated with the sound of His Rebuke!

And the very essence of Heaven shook with His Rage!

The angels suffered tremendously - especially the one who did not put his/her heart into the song.

There was a great multitude of "singed feathers" in Heaven that day.

And the cries of their loss echoed across all Creation...

From that point on (for a while at least) anything angels did to serve God was done with their whole heart and not half-hearted as the one angel had done.

-----------------------------------------

- ESA

Special Grocery List (Story)

This came to me by email and it's a beautiful story:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Louise Redden, a poorly dressed lady with a look of defeat on her face, walked into a grocery store. She approached the owner of the store in a most humble manner and asked if he would let her charge a few groceries. She softly explained that her husband was very ill and unable to work, they had seven children and they needed food.

John Longhouse, the grocer, scoffed at her and requested that she leave his store at once.

Visualizing the family needs, she said: "Please, sir! I will bring you the money just as soon as I can."

John told her he could not give her credit, since she did not have a charge account at his store.

Standing beside the counter was a customer who overheard the conversation between the two. The customer walked forward and told the grocer that he would stand good for whatever she needed for her family.

The grocer said in a very reluctant voice, "Do you have a grocery list?"

Louise replied, "Yes sir."

"O.K" he said, "put your grocery list on the scales and whatever your grocery list weighs, I will give you that amount in groceries."

Louise hesitated a moment with a bowed head, then she reached into her purse and took out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it. She then laid the piece of paper on the scale carefully with her head still bowed.

The eyes of the grocer and the customer showed amazement when the scales went down and stayed down.

The grocer, staring at the scales, turned slowly to the customer and said begrudgingly, "I can't believe it."

The customer smiled and the grocer started putting the groceries on the other side of the scales. The scale did not balance so he continued to put more and more groceries on them until the scales would hold no more.

The grocer stood there in utter disgust. Finally, he grabbed the piece of paper from the scales and looked at it with greater amazement.

It was not a grocery list, it was a prayer, which said: "Dear Lord, you know my needs and I am leaving this in your hands."

The grocer gave her the groceries that he had gathered and stood in stunned silence.

Louise thanked him and left the store.

The other customer handed a fifty-dollar bill to the grocer and said; "It was worth every penny of it. Only God Knows how much a prayer weighs."

When you read this, please take a moment to say a prayer.

So few times we give credit to what prayer is and how much it can affect and influence our own lives and the lives of others.

Sometimes we need little reminders to show us there is Someone listening.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pause
Pray
Please

- ESA

Bright Lights

Between the news the media covers and how bad news seems to travel further and faster than good news, it is difficult to see the good in our fellow human beings. Instead we look upon each other with fear and suspicion.

Recently, a friend had some people reach out to him and his wife in their need. I admit that my first and primary response was that fear when I heard they not only had his phone number but also his address, saying they will bring over some goods. I warned my friend to be very careful as these people could rob them or worse...

His response snapped me into a better perspective. He told me flatly, there was nothing in his home worth stealing. He was not going to let the fear that we have of strangers stop him from opening the door to those who really do intend to help.

He judged correctly, those people brought smiles, food and things he and his wife could use, a very rare thing in his life and a blessing he received with a gratitude and joy that touched my heart.

Someone really cared for their fellow human beings.

Someone fought that fear and opened their door.

Together that moment has something to teach us all.

We should be alert and open the ways for any of our fellow human beings who truly wish to help others. And while we should maintain vigilance against those who deceive, manipulate and abuse the ways we open, we should never use it as an excuse or reason to let our fears lock us away from each other.

We all share this world. True, there is darkness and evil here. But there are many bright points of Light and Love here too. If we open our eyes to see the difference, we will see not only the bright points, but the ways they illuminate where we can help one another.

We also shouldn't propagate the bad news; just alert others of precautions to take. Instead, we should spread good news, and fight against the fear that has made us mistrustful of one another.

Hand-in-Hand can humanity stand
Against the fear
Trust in Love

- ESA

Lifting my Voice (Poem)

I needed some time to myself, but now... I want to sing, I want to shout! I want to tell the world what I'm about.

Why am I so shy and hesitant in what I say - more each day...

I giggle, stay silent - I just want to hide... rather than plainly state what I feel inside.

Yesterday and then again today, someone said he saw wisdom in what I had to say...

And yet I hesitate and hold back. Is it simply courage that I lack?

I need to change, to grow... to become something more than what I know!

I was told change is NOT something to fear...

But something that instead should be treasured dear.

The enemy uses fear to stop us as we progress, each hesitation is a measure of his success.

I should start to again blog this, and share with any who may witness...

Fear NOT the change.

Through it we grow.

Let that show.

- ESA

Trust of a Child

I spent the night at my sister's place visiting, but I woke up exceptionally early (before 4:30 AM) and logged online to find something to occupy my time.

I went to IM chat box first, but the only two friends "online" I knew were likely asleep, so I refrained from sending a post that may wake them, leaving them to dream in what Peace they may find.

I then wandered my way back to Twitter and skimmed through the tweets. My drive to go to Twitter every day had suddenly fallen off last weekend.

For the past week it felt as though I was tossed unanchored from wave to wave seeking more secure footing. I still had my guiding star in sight, but without secure footing, sometimes one gets a few mouthfuls of water to spit out before toes can dig into the sand and find the rock ledge beneath.

What my wandering heart and mind sought this early hour was not there. So I continued...

Instead of a gaming website (which I tended to visit when I could not find anyone I wanted to converse with online), I went to my blog and skimmed through the sites I follow.

There I found a few allegedly inspirational posts, but they seemed to fall dead at my feet this morning as I sat in the silent darkness before the first birdsong hearing only the rain pitter-patter on the walkway outside.

I also read a few humorous blogs; some made me smile, but not had me laugh nor lifted the darkness that seemed to grow more oppresive with each passing minute.

Then I came across my young niece's blog. She wrote of her 14-year-young problems with her mom, step-dad, friends and boyfriend. But she also wrote a lot about God and Jesus. Even when she did not name them, her faith shone through her words - clearly stating that no matter what she faced, God was there. She just had to put her trust in Him to see her through whatever life placed in her path.

I believe that was what my heart sought. So many times, I get so wrapped up focusing on stuff in my head, with work, with family, with discussions of what things written long ago may mean, I forget to take a still moment -- even one in the middle of the night -- and just listen to God's song in my heart, trusting Him and letting Him guide me where I need to be and with what I'm called to do. I know He is reaching out to me and to each and every one of us...

When that finally dawned on me, the first birdsong rang clear and true outside the window where I still sit. I clicked on the [New Post] button and decided to share this moment with you. It's very early morning; the sun barely kissed the sky with light and a lone bird greets the still morning outside. The song in my heart joins in it's song lifted to God.

Relive the faith of a child.
Believe He's reaching.
Trust in Him

- ESA

The Shell (Poem)

This is a poem written a year ago after I tried to describe to someone what it was like being an outcast while I was growing up, and how it affects your ability to trust another. I rediscovered it this morning thumbing through my journal. I have a friend now going through something similar....

When the waters grow deeper
The world darkens before your eye
You reach and you search
Find nothing no matter how you try
+++
God's Light diminishes
As you hide behind that wall
Protect yourself from the darkness
With a wall strong and tall
+++
A knock at the door
A lance of pain sears
You lash out at the invader
As you fight off your tears
+++
The blow you make hits
But no matter how you try
The invader persists
Trying to make you cry
+++
A crack at the wall
Light floods inside
Fearing the unknown
Into the shadows you hide
+++
A hand reaches in
You lash out again
The hand is still there
Bloody and grim
+++
A gentle voice coaxes
Get out of that shell
Place your trust in Me
I will make you well
+++
Bewildered and frightened
You shrink back some more
Afraid heart and soul
Of the voice at the door
+++
The hand is still there
No harsh words are said
No scolding, no reprimand
No curse from the dead
+++
You place your hand
In the hand of the other
As you leave that shell
You may find a Brother

-ESA

A Little Prayer to Share (Poem)

Today I just wanted to share a special prayer:

Lord Jesus Christ,
I love You
With all my heart
All my spirit
All my soul

I thank you for Your Love
Your gentle patience
And ever-presence
At my side

I'm sorry for the times I've hurt You
And the times I've turned away from You
Even though You remained
Steadfastly at my side

Please help me keep my feet
On the path set before me
Until I can walk at Your side
Forever
In Your Glory

Amen

- ESA

Comforting Thought

This morning, instead of waking up early on a fantastically beautiful day and hauling our stuff out for the yard sale with the neighbors, my husband and I spent the morning in the local hospital's emergency room.

I remember how frightened I was this morning. I had a lot of pain, I had passed out around 5:30 AM, and I didn't know what was wrong. While I rode shotgun in my husband's van with a bucket on my lap in case the nausea was serious about what it threatened, I prayed.

My mind envisioned so many things ranging from just a lodged kidney-stone to an ectopic pregnancy about to rupture! Then amid the panic, pain and nausea, a clear thought cut through the chaos.

Either God will see me through this or He will see me home.

While some may consider this a tad morbid, I found it very comforting... I'm not alone no matter what happens. This actually calmed me down.

While I was still in pain, nauseous and dizzy, I was also able to joke a bit with the ER staff. With a smile or a chuckle, I was able to go through the battery of tests and get me home safe to recover. I'm glad they now have a replacement for the liquid barium to drink before the CT-Scan. That stuff was NASTY, and the nurse couldn't stop laughing every time I compared the stuff they had me drink to the "liquid sidewalk." :D

Never alone, no matter where we roam.
Safe in His arms.
Thanks!

- ESA

Archives (Poem)

I wanted to post this blog yesterday, but never got the chance until now. While gathering stuff for Saturday morning's yard sale, something I wrote many years ago came to mind. When I was tasked with organizing 75 years of archival items for a nursing home's anniversary celebration, I wrote the following poem:

Archives

When all the tomorrows
Become the yesterdays,
The shared laughter
Of long, long ago
Has become tears of loss,
And then faded away
To the dusty nothingness
Of the archives.

Photographs, files, notes
That were put aside
To make more room for
The coming todays,
That became yesterdays.
Now, they sit together
In the dusty nothingness
Of the archives.

One far-of, future day,
Someone will question
Of where, when and how
It all came to be.
They will open the door
And ask the residents
Of the dusty nothingness
Of the archives.

Treasured clutter of the past.
Memories that last.
Archives

-ESA

Little Blessing though the Pain

This afternoon, I had a pretty intense migraine while at work, the kind where light, sound, smells, touch and thinking HURTS. Even my GI tract was adversely affected. I still needed to get a counter-proposal letter and two invoices (short 10-day terms) out before leaving the office, and needless to say that was getting harder the longer my migraine lasted.

But I was also blessed in that I didn't have to go through this alone. While I was working through this headache, I had an online friend who kept me going with a blend of practical advice and teasing which helped keep my spirits up. He also listened to this overgrown baby's griping, which I do when not feeling well. :P

When we go through the trials and troubles of life (small like today or great), God also places in our lives something to help us through these times. Sometimes we're lucky that we see and acknowledge them. Sometimes we're blinded by our pain and suffering that we don't see them. There are even times we blindly walk by them without experiencing their benefit. :(

Today I'm glad I not only benefited from my friend's support, but also was fortunate enough to see it for the Blessing it was.

Whose life will you change with your words or works?
Whose little blessing can you be?
Be a friend.

- ESA

Layoffs --> Executive Bonus

I nearly missed writing today's blog, so in the minutes after midnight before I go for the night's sleep, I jot down the words I mean for this blog to keep.

A friend of mine called with some sad news. Like mine, the company where he works had layoffs this week. Unlike mine, his company could actually afford to keep all their employees. Here is what he told my husband and I....

The company where he's employed is doing well - profitable in fact, but just not as profitable as the executives had projected. So what did they do? They laid off employees without warning and told the remaining employees that everyone left would have to take a week's furlough -- unpaid / without using vacation days or any other paid time out. Why? This way the company can make it's projected gross earnings and the executives could all earn their bonuses.

How many out there find that wrong?

With the several thousands of dollars that these executives are going to receive, the company could have kept all those they laid off and never required the rest to cut their income. Who knows how this will affect the non-executive employees? How many will find it difficult putting food on the table as they struggle through their meager savings (or none at all) while they look for a new job in a very poor economy? How many will loose their home or car?

Did the executives that made this decision even CONSIDER this or were they so focused on the bottom line -- in filling their own bloated pockets and overinflated egos -- that they did not care for their fellow man?????

This isn't even some stranger in a foreign country or even different state - these were people who worked at the same place as those they canned. Maybe they just went right to their posh offices and the corporate structure is such that the people who were impacted the most never got to enter those posh offices with all the layers of management between them.

Where I work, the company's biggest customer filed for bankruptcy and we lost 90% of our revenue. We didn't have to let people go to boost our bottom line; we had to let people go so the company could survive. Granted, we are a smaller company, but we also care about our employees. We knew exactly how such a decision would impact them each personally... How one was facing issues with paying for a new deck as his existing one was being wretched away from his home due to ground settlement. We were thrilled when we heard from another that her other part-time job needed to give her more hours so things worked out for her. Both the President and founder (his dad) of our company have actually brought THEIR salaries down to $0 per month (no bonuses or dividends either) until the company starts to see significant profits again, which means nothing through the rest of this year and possibly well into next.

What a difference a leader makes.

Not all CEO's and executives are greedy bastards (excuse the language) but there are plenty who are. In these hard times, I've heard cases both heinous and noble. I pray that God guides many more hearts as we continue to struggle on a global scale to set the economy right. I know it's wrong to wish ill on anyone, even those we see as deserving it. So instead I will wish that the light shining from those noble acts of the CEO's who really do care about those in their employ -- those whose hard labors have earned them their position, benefits and pay -- shine bright and brilliant in this darkening world and light the right path for the others who need to look up from the bottom line to see what is right and wrong. For if this world continues to support those who only look to the bottom line and self-serving goals (individual or selective group), then this world is already lost. :(

May the hearts and the acts of the noble shine bright.
Not the bottom line in their sight.
Pray.

- ESA

Smiles - Seen and Unseen

I often tweet or retweet these little messages on Twitter about sharing a smile. Many still do not realize the power that can be found in a smile.

• It can pick you up.
• It can say "I care."
• It can say "I'm here for you."
• It can say "I'm listening."
• It can make you smile in return - even laugh.

A smile costs the giver nothing but a thought and a touch from the heart.

We've all seen those smiles that are just upturns of the corners of the mouth but never touches the eyes. A genuine sincere smile sets the eyes sparkling with the warmth of love and friendship.

And then there are the unseen smiles..... These are the times when someone reaches out to us and touches our hearts in a way that causes us to smile from the warmth and love in that touch. We do not see the smile. Sometimes it's an email or a phone call. Or just words on the screen over the internet. But we respond to that with a smile of our own and somehow know they smile too.

I had such a moment this morning. I was a bit down from a restless night of bad dreams and the rain that rolled through the area this morning. I was going to dive into my workload today - disheartened - and then I thought to check my @ messages on Twitter one last time....

That's when I saw this: "how u doing today my good friend" and a beautiful smile lit up my face.

The day is actually getting brighter outside too as the rain moves off. But more, my dark mood is dispersing with the clouds beause these little words touched my heart and told me that I'm not alone, that someone out there is not only a friend, but is thinking of me at that moment. That friend cared enough to send me a quick note.

He didn't even realize that I was in a bad mood. But just thought to take the time and say "hi." What a world of difference it made. When was the last time I took a moment and say "hi" to someone like that? One never knows just how much that little "smile" may effect somebody's day today.

Share that special touch of love and friendship.
Share that smile.
Today.

-ESA

Missed Blessing

There is this family that my husband and I befriended when they lived in our apartment complex. We would have dinner at each others homes and share many memorable BBQ's outside. We were the test subjects the summer when the wife and kids went back to visit family in India and the husband decided to learn to cook.

My husband tutored their kids. The wife and I would go out for walks or would sit on cold days and drink tea while we chatted. She even dragged my butt to yoga class gratis to see if I would like it. Her husband and mine were good friends too.

They moved from New England to Arizona four years ago. Since then we've traded holiday greetings and the occasional phone call, but it wasn't the same as seeing them practically every day.

Today they swung by the apartment complex unannounced while I was at the office. My husband was home and tried a few times to reach me by phone. The first time, I was out for a walk on a lunch break. The moment I got back to the office, I headed right into a meeting, not checking my voicemail. Then I was on a conference call. By the time I checked my messages they had come and gone.

I had missed them. :(

How many times do we miss opportunities because we're so caught up in our daily lives? How many times do we loose the chance to see those that mean so much? If I had taken one minute to check my voicemail, I would have had the chance to see my friends I haven't seen in four years.

Watch for missed blessings; they come in many forms.
They happen anytime.
Unannounced.

ESA

New Start

I know I haven't written in a while. I could come up with dozens of reasons to type here, but I should simply say, I have not. As I try to re-start my daily blog, I hope once I get the first blog down the words will flow as readily as they did before.

This weekend I've come to realize something as I took some time to ponder things. The more I got the thanks, kudos, atta-girls, retweets, compliments and flattery on Twitter, the more I assumed it was all me - my work. If people wanted help with something or asked for an ear to listen, it was ME. That can inflate one's ego quite rapidly and give a girl a swelled head.

The more I believed it was me tweeting great things, getting followers on Twitter, helping others online and off, the more I puffed up my own ego as well. It was also when my ability to write my blog and stories, as well as say and do just the right things, rapidly declined.

The effectiveness of my words and actions deflated as rapidly as a ruptured balloon. Why? Because by relying on myself, I denied God's part in the whole thing. God was the One who gave me the words to say when I needed them, gave me the time/place/opportunity to be there for friends who needed an ear or a hand with something, gave me the ideas or skills I needed to do what was required of me. When I assumed I could do it all on my own, I started to drop the whole mess like a waitress on roller blades hitting a patch of grease and dropping a full table's worth of service - broken dishes et al.

That was pretty stupid.

How can I forgot? Why didn't I notice when my blogs became less frequent and then stopped altogether? Why didn't I notice when I haven't written a new story in months? Or even when my effectiveness to help others become significantly less, ending in more frustrations. :(

Sadly, I used excuses: I'm too busy at work; I'm too busy on Twitter; I'm too busy helping others... That last one was really pathetic, as the main drive behind helping others was fading day-by-day replaced by one heck of an ego trip. And that was wrong. :( But sadly, that was the one excuse I'd use so often, even telling myself that.

As I've seen in various quotes up and down Twitter, it's never too late to turn things around as long as there is breath in me. Each new day CAN be a new start. That's what I'm trying to do right now, a new start with this blog post. Sadly, it took me three days to actually sit down and type this.

But a visit to church today helped me find the strength I needed. Not my strength, the strength from God as He helps me work my way back to where I was a few months ago, letting Him inspire my words and works -- in a unison that is beyond words. Interestingly enough, nearby church-bells started to play this wonderful melody as I started this paragraph. Not chiming the hour (it's 6:30 pm) but actual melodies (it's on the second one now).

Shall I call this coincidence or let it touch my heart? I think I'll let it inspire me, moreso as I haven't heard any of the local church-bells do this before. I listen to the sounds peal under the clear sky as I struggle to let go of my overinflated ego.

Reaching with outstretched hand....
To the One that guides...
And Loves.

- ESA

For My Dad (Video)

This is a video I made as a tribute for my dad.

Happy Father's Day to all the fathers, step-fathers, foster-fathers, father-figures, big-brothers and other male role models. :D

-ESA

Puzzle (Story)

This was forwarded to me by email. Enjoy. :D

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A father wanted to read a magazine but was being bothered by his little girl, Shelby. She wanted to know what the United States looked like. Finally, he tore a sheet out of his new magazine on which was printed the map of the country. Tearing it into small pieces, he gave it to Shelby and said, 'Go into the other room and see if you can put this together. This will show you our whole country today.'

After a few minutes, Shelby returned and handed him the map, correctly fitted and taped together. The father was surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly. 'Oh,' she said, 'on the other side of the paper is a picture of Jesus. When I got all of Jesus back where He belonged, then our country just came together..'

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- ESA

Happiness

Today, I've encountered three interesting statements about happiness. The first was sent to me. The second is my response to the first. The final one is my husband's response to hearing the first two.

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Happiness has nothing to do with pleasure. You feel pleasure when you want something and you get it. Or when you don't want something and you remove it. Pleasure is always relative. Happiness is absolute. Happiness is the understanding and acceptance of life as it is in this very moment as completely perfect, because every creation of God is perfect. The degree to which you do not accept life in all of the Divine forms is the degree to which you suffer.

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Happiness doesn't come from outside; it comes from inside. And once found and embraced, nothing that is outside can silence the song it sings within you.

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Pleasure is tied to events. Happiness is tied to being.

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Any others? Please feel free to add in the comments below. Thanks!

Be happy!
Happy!
Be!

- ESA