Saying Farewell

A few weeks ago, my husband and I held a very private ceremony to say farewell ~ farewell to the child we lost in miscarriage and farewell to the opportunity to have biological children of our own.

The ceremony took place in Caumsett State Park on Long Island (NY). Just off the main road there is a 70-foot tree dominating a field, which I've heard called "God's tree."


At the base of the 4-trunk tree, a visitor is essentially enclosed by the tree's branches in a natural cathedral. It is there we made our peace.




With only my husband, myself and one witness, we opened the simple ceremony with a prayer to God and Jesus.

Next, my husband and I uttered, "Little one we name thee ____________" thrice. While we said this, my husband poured some water from a glass vial into the wooden bowl in my hands.

Then we both held the bowl of water together and said three times, "Little one, know that you are loved and you will be missed."

Following, we jointly poured the water from the bowl to the base of the tree, passing on some hope of life and growth back into the world as we said thrice, "Little one, you are free to return to our Creator."


We closed with another prayer and some personal words of our own in the dappled sunlight under that tree.



While we didn't realize this until a few days later, the Saturday where we could all arrange to be there happened to be May 1st - otherwise known as May Day or Beltane.


That is the traditional day of letting go and moving on, starting new plantings and celebrating life to come. What was mere coincidence was an unexpected blessing as it seemed to fit in so well with our simple farewell.


~ ~ ~


Both before and after the ceremony we walked with friends of ours, including a four-year-old who is full of the joy of life.


On our way to the site, we crossed a field with a small rise. To the boy, he had just climbed a mountain!

I also chased him around with "tickle bees."

On the way back, I demonstrated the joy of blowing dandelion seeds so they dance like white poofs in the gentle breeze that was blowing.

So bracketing our sad ceremony was another celebration - one of life, learning and sharing. While the child was not ours, he is a part of our life.

And it is a joy to share things with all those we have in our life - young, our age or those with wisdom beyond our years.


Life does not start and end when other parts are gone.
That which is gone is a stepping stone.
We learn and move on.

- ESA