Hope Lives!

A few weeks ago, I wrote Mama Bird about the baby bird I was watching that day. At that time, it was only a ball of fluff with a few feathers just starting to come in. Since then, many have asked how Hope has been doing.

Hope is actually quite well, and growing quickly. (S)he flies, lives outdoors full time, interacts with other birds, and hunts for food now. But unlike the brothers and sisters of her nest, (s)he still comes when called.

I met Hope once again this morning, nose-to-beak, and I wanted to share a few snapshots with my readers too. :D

How quickly children grow up...

~ ESA

 

Priorities

This particular blog post is dedicated to my "little" brother (who ended up being the tallest of our generation).

When my brother was 12 years old, he was diagnosed with AVM, which is a malformation in his brain. Granted, medicine and technology have come a long way since he was first diagnosed in the early 1980's; he one of the first cases in the United States.

They told my parents that he would not likely live to see adulthood. They could try to prolong his life a little by alleviating the pressure on the brain. The first of many brain-surgeries opened a place in his skull, so he could no longer participate in track - a sport he loved. In fact, with nothing but hair and skin between a potential impact and his brain, he was banned from all sports, including the school's gym class.

I don't know how much my brother realized his time in this world was limited; he did know that each time he went into the hospital (yearly at times) may be his last time. But beyond that, he continued to live his life as though nothing was different. He laughed and lived each moment to the fullest.

In school, he was one a handful selected to learn the newest "rage" - the computer. Like my dad, he had an exceptionally sharp mind and uncanny ability to figure out the technology with very little instruction. Soon he was teaching the teachers on the school's first computer (which, if I recall correctly, was in a storage room next to the mimeograph machine they still used at the time).

My brother always looked at the positive side of things, though, and found humor in the strangest places. He would get such a thrill when he told people to place their hand on a certain part of his head. Then he'd lean forward so they would feel his brain slosh against their fingertips, laughing at the expression on their face. It was certainly something they couldn't do.

But his medical condition wasn't the only thing he laughed about. He'd enjoy laughing at everything. It was this sense of humor that lifted the entire family, through both his problems and ones we faced in our own lives.

Because of my little brother's example, we all held onto a child-like heart through life's ups and downs.

 
Needless to say, despite the doctor's warnings, my little brother reached adulthood. He went on to become a Director of IT for a company, got married, bought a nice house and had three beautiful children.

While his kids were still young, my brother's health began to decline. He could no longer drive long distances safely, so I helped him work with his HR department to arrange a telecommuting option. This was a golden opportunity, as it enabled him to spend even more time with the ones he loved dearly.

Then came the terrible news, his marriage was ending. While loosing his wife was horrific enough, being separated from his children was unbearable.
So he fought hard to have the kids with him every other day as well as alternating weekends. He was there to walk them to/from the bus stop, check their homework, make them dinner, read to them, and tuck them in at night. He attended school plays, games and every function that was important to the kids.

I think the kids realized something was wrong with their daddy. Unlike other dad's, he went to the doctors a lot and had many brain surgeries; they'd visit him in the hospital when they were old enough.

Just as the last of the kids entered grade school, my brother needed to use a cane to manage his balance. They had no qualms about his handicap; they'd play with his cane or hang on to it instead of his hand when they walked together. It was part of who their daddy was.

As they grew older, I could see how even the youngest instinctively knew when to use her slight weight just enough to counter the way dad would suddenly lean when he was distracted, helping him to stay balanced.

In 2010, we needed to rent a scooter for him at our annual family trip to a local amusement park. The kids had the best time with that; they'd fight over who got to ride with daddy on the scooter between the rides. In fact, riding the scooter with daddy was the BEST ride in the park.
...

My brother had a stroke around 8pm on April 1st last year (2011). His ex-wife had just dropped off the kids for the weekend. They were worried when the ambulance came to take their unconscious father to the hospital. It wasn't the first time; he's been rushed to the hospital many times in their short lives. But he always came back home.

Always.

This time he didn't. He lasted a few more hours, enough for my sister, mother and I to arrive and say goodbye. My other brother had only just landed in NY on his mad-dash flight from San Diego when our little brother breathed his last.

* * *

It wasn't until I was going through some pictures following his death that I realized there was something my little brother did consistently. He always did things with and for the kids first. His house was badly in need of repairs and cleaning at times, but there was always time to play.

Even when low-points of his condition created severe migraines or caused him to sleep deeply for hours through the day, his kids would play quietly around him, being near to him. Some day's he'd wake up to discover his daughter had surrounded him with little paper tanks she folded when he was sleeping. There was even the time their mischievous aunt helped them build a playhouse over daddy- couch and all.

The middle-child was the one closest to my brother. He was the one who had his own head shaved every time  daddy needed his head shaved for surgery. He was the one that laughed the loudest and stuck by his dad's side through thick and thin....

He was the hardest hit when daddy was no longer a part of his young life.

 
The video shows the last birthday this child shared with his daddy. It was a common moment perhaps shared countless times between the two, but none of us ever knew it would be the last time...

A few months ago, the anniversary of their dad's passing, this child asked for some things he wanted to have. While the house they spent many happy memories with their dad had since been cleared out and sold, my mom kept a few items that belonged to my brother.
The first item he asked for was my brother's cane. This I think is a very big part of their memories of daddy. This was a part of him. In the last few years, he couldn't walk across the room without it. Now he is in a place where he no longer needs it.

The youngest had made a drawing to place in her daddy's casket. It was her memory of the two of them picking apples. He was holding her up so she could reach the apples on the tree branches. Leaning in easy reach against the tree's truck is that ever-present cane.

The second item the middle-child requested was a surprise to us. When my brother decided to try to meet someone new, after the divorce, he tried to create a roguish appearance. His hair, after all those surgeries, was thinned if not completely gone in sections. So he shaved it all off and grew a goatie instead.

Then one day the family noticed a new image on his FaceBook account. My brother had gotten a new hat, and wore it quite frequently at family gatherings as well as on dates.

His son wanted that hat.

When we dug it out, I expected that it would be far too big for his young head. After all, my brother was 6'7" and had a big head to match. But, remarkably, it fit the son's head perfectly! He was a dapper young man wearing his dad's hat and strutting with his dad's cane.

It was the first time I've seen even a hint of a smile on that child's face for a year.

---

Like my little brother, each of us are only here a short time. We never know when our life will end, we only know the moment we have in our hands. If my brother had worked long hours, or only saw them every-other weekend, or focused on the to-do list at home, I don't think he would have built the close ties he had with his kids. It's true he only had a short time with them; none had yet reached middle-school when he died. 

But they do have some beautiful memories that they can share for the rest of their lives.

Happy Father's Day - may you share it with those you love.

~ ESA

Looking Ahead

I can not write the Looking Behind post without also adding this one. While I believe it's important to listen to the stories and connect with those who have gone before us in life, I also believe it's critical to connect with those who are to follow.

While this world makes our lives ever-increasingly busy, and our schedules are overwhelmed with appointments, meetings and events. We need to take time out, unplug from the non-stop stream broadcasting from the radio, TV, computers and internet. Instead, spend some time with others.

There are untold treasures in the quiet moments.

• A young babe sleeping curled up on a father's chest.
  
• An adult re-living the joy of finger-paints with a young child.
  
• Building things together with leggos, without using the directions that came in the box.
• Passing on baking and other traditions around the holidays.
  
• Sharing stories, and listening as they tell you ones of their own.
  
• Helping as they struggle to learn school lessons (and digging frantically through internet sites and other resources so we don't let them know how much we've forgotten since our own school days).
  
• Trying not to leave fingerprints embedded on the passenger side of a car when a teenage driver is behind the wheel.
  
• Connecting over a cup of tea or coffee with a younger adult as you listen to the trials and tribulations that you have been through yourself - though they may seem so strange compared to the way things were in the "our days."

These are some of many moments that impact both the elder and younger people who share the experience. These are the building blocks of life that connect us to each other, both before us and behind us. These are what we take with us, and what we leave behind.

What do we leave for the future to find?
Do we leave loving memories,
Or say we don't have the time?

-ESA

Numb

It's been a few hours since I read this article (http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/story?id=7613395) and I'm still numb. I was angry - outraged that people can do such atrocities to children - in Christ's name! The money they take from people to "exorcise the demon" in the child only adds to the insult. While seething in anger, I was also weeping tears of sorrow for the horrors those children are put through.

Christ is about love; and He especially adores children! It's criminal what people do in His name but to do this.... ARG! I'm actually beyond words and my tears flow freely as I type this here. My heart goes out to those poor souls, children who suffer and adults who are so deluded into believing such rubbish!

Please take a moment to pray for those kids. Even if you don't follow Christ, please follow the Love present in your heart and pray for them.

Thanks. :*(

- ESA

Story Beyond the Story (True Story)

I like to tell stories to listeners as well as write them down. I did a "dry run" of the story below with my nieces, nephew and extended family last night. When I tell the story (not read it), it has fewer words from me but a lot of interaction and side comments from the listeners. Here's how the telling went (M = Me, A = Adult listener, C = Child listener).

M: "Who wants to hear a new story I'm going to write tomorrow morning?"

C: "I do! I do!"
C: "Memememe!"
A: "Let's hear it."

M: "OK. This is a story about three little pigs."

C: "Can I be a pig? We'll make it a princess pig who loves the color pink!"
C: "I want to be one too! Named Platypus. Oh wait, can we make it a platypus instead?"

M: "No, there are just three little pigs in this story."

C: "Why can't one of them be a platypus?"

M: "Because it's based on the story of the Three Little Pigs; there are no platypi in that story. We can name one of the pigs Platypus if you'd like."

C: "OK"

M: "So there are three little pigs, one named.."

A: "George"

M: "... one named George, one named Platypus and the porky princess who loves pink. These three pigs lived in southern California."

C: "We're gonna live there. We're moving to San Diego in ... ummm... six weeks!"

M: "I know. So let's say these little pigs lived in San Diego. Now the first pig wanted to use some local building material and he built his house out of straw."

C: "That can be C---'s pig; she's not in the room."

M: "OK So C--'s pig named George built his house out of straw. Then the Santa Anna winds came and guess what happened."

C: "It blew away."

M: "Right. And the second pig, built his house out of wood."

C: "That will be Platypus because my Princess Pig will have bricks - pink bricks."

M: "Fine. Platypus built his house out of wood and when the Santa Anna winds came, what happened."

C: "It stayed up."

M: "Right. But then the fires came down the hill. What happens to a house made of wood?"

A: "Uh-oh"
C: "It burnt down."

M: "Right. And the porky princess made her pink brick house using brick and stone. What happened to this house in the Santa Anna winds."

C: "It stayed up."

M: "Right. And what about fire?"

C: "Nope."
C: "It stayed up."

M: "Right. But then after the fire there was an earthquake. What happened to the brick and stone house?"

C: "It fell down. CRASH! Like that."

M: "Right. That's when the three little pigs figured out that working by themselves they could not build a house that would stand up. So they decided they were going to work together. George showed them how to use local materials; Platypus showed them how to make the house flexible for earthquakes and the porky princess who loves pink put up some stucco and brick barriers to protect the house from fire. When the Santa Anna winds blew now, it stayed. When the fires came, it stayed. When the earthquake shook the ground beneath them it stayed. Then they thought they had beaten all that Mother Nature could throw at them. Mother Nature said "Oh yeah?" and the rains started to come down."

A: "Oh no."

M: "Yep. A mudslide came and washed the house away."

A: "Boy, Tara! You're never going to let these poor little pigs have a house, are you?"

M: "Not yet... So, when these little pigs were sitting together in the shelter thinking where had they gone wrong..."

A: "Well pissing off Ma Nature didn't help!"

M: "They realized that they were missing one important thing for their house. They needed to have a solid foundation. Do you know what they used?"

C: "Concrete?"

M: "Close. L--, can you guess?"

C: "Ummm..."

M: "I'll give you a clue: Christ told Peter that He would use it to build His church."

C: "Ummmm..."

M: "Since it's late and been a long day, I'll give you another clue. It starts with the letter 'R'."

C: "Oh... Ummmm...."
A: "Come on, L---. You know this one. It's a four-letter word."
C: "Ummmm..."

M: "One more clue. The second letter is 'O'."

C: "Oh! A road! They built their house on a road!"
A: "It was a rock, L--. A rock, not a road."
A: "Well, Peter did take it on the road, didn't he?"

M: "Yes, but I think the California Highway Department would be a bit upset if the three little pigs built their home on one of their roads. :P"

- ESA