Different Set of Eyes

Recently a friend caused me some heartache. There are days when he is open, friendly and caring; other times when he is quite cold and callous. I know the later times are when his own suffering causes him to snap and be bitter, even toward those he considers friends. I will admit, though, sometimes it cuts me pretty deeply. I tell myself, "It's just the pain talking. Ignore it." But it's hard to ignore my pain, feeling that I am being treated badly - even worthless.

I have also realized there are times where I am baited into an argument, sometimes over the stupidest things! These I believe are ways in which, subconsciously, part of him is trying to prove that the frustration and anger he harbors toward me is justified. In turn, I become frustrated and angry at him.

There have been nights I sat awake, trying to will myself to forgive. Really forgive, not just say, "I forgive you" and then run through my mind all the times he hurt me. More, my mind would go over those silly arguments in minute detail trying to prove that I was right and he was wrong. This, after all, was just MY ego getting in the way and preventing me from truly forgiving him. I need to completely let it go and open my heart to love, not hate or even the simple human grumbling we tend to do about people that hurt us.

On one of these nights, I finally realized why he lashes out when he's in pain. It is part of his defense system, to project the pain, frustration and anger outward. I was just an easy target for this to be projected upon. He would then easily become frustrated and angry at me, maybe even see me as someone that is hurting him, when my own eyes see myself as the victim. The saying "hurting people hurt others" rings true.

Whenever we push another away, we hurt ourselves. BUT when we become aware of what is happening, we have the responsibility. I needed see and respond only to that caring person inside, not the person that is nasty to me.

I am trying a new way to interact with this person. I listen to him, but try not to let my own ego have the spotlight and speak of myself or my life. He needs an ear, not a prattling voice. I help him in ways that I can, but do not ask for the same in return. When his life is better, I am sure he will do he same.

When the nastiness rises to the surface, I smile and reply politely. If it continues, I walk quietly away. I will no longer be caught up in pointless arguments that will only increase his frustration and anger. I will no longer acknowledge the nasty person, but try to strive to always see the caring person that is currently buried under his own pain.

After nearly a month, I have found myself more at peace within myself. I have had far less pointless arguments and no longer spend hours trying to get the "I was the one who was right" debate silenced in my mind. There is less stress and more healing in my life.

I continue move forward on this path
Looking through a different set of eyes

- ESA