Squish!

Among the appointments I had in a very busy work-week, I squeezed in my routine mammogram. Or as I like to joke among the ladies at work, "I took a break from the office to go SQUISH!"

Between my personal biology and family history, I've a number of medical "factors" that create high breast-cancer risk, so I dutifully go at least once per year - often once every six months, as they continually find new and exciting things in those black and white images - starting with my baseline when I was 35 years of age.

Am I worried that I'll get breast cancer? No.

Odds are I will get it. It's a matter of when rather than if. But I'm not worried at all. Really!

My mother, in her 70's, is a breast cancer survivor, both breasts; she was diagnosed in her very early 40's. It's actually one of the most treatable forms of cancer; one just needs to go for checkups and routine exams. The earlier anything is caught, the better the chances. The rest is all about attitude!

Do I have it now? I don't know. They are watching suspicious masses that bounce along with me on a daily basis. I await the official reading from the medical techs at the hospital and the standard letter that indicates if they want me to follow up the breast surgeon (again).

There are women that panic and swear they are going to die from the minute anything remotely suggests breast cancer. This is even before the first biopsy. In my family, we look the doctor in the eye and say, "OK. What are we going to do about it?"

If something does come of this or any new malformation, God and family will see me through.

I may suffer for a time; I may become sick. I may loose my hair. But it is something I can live through. I can get through acute chronic pain and sickness; the last few years have proven that.

There are worries I could have: How do I do my job while going through treatments? What if something were to go wrong? What if the treatment doesn't work? What if the cancer spreads?

What if I die...?

Should I even bother to worry about this? After all, I could get hit by a car walking home today with the same results.

I try to live every moment as if it's my last. I try to Let Go and Let GOD, giving God my Trust. And if I die, should I be worried? I have a pretty good idea where I am going...

No I am not worried. I understand that worry is a part of fear. I know that Fear is a tool of the adversary to hinder our spirits. I do not fear this - at all.

I have seen devastating results when people do fear it.

But I look fear in the eye and laugh at it!

Let's see how far they can turn my double-D's into pancakes before they squish out the other side of the machine. :P

After all, they have already sagged a bit over the years...

~ ESA