Birthday Blessings

"You did WHAT for your birthday?" That's the response I've been hearing for much of this week and may continue to hear until this week's close. Yesterday was my birthday. I spent the day at a church several miles away, hauling and sorting a truckload of donated items. And, yes, that is exactly what I wanted to do for my birthday.

When I see or hear about someone sincerely helping another, there is this warmth and Love that wells up from deep inside me. But much of my life I've been an outcast, and often only see that loving act from the outside. Rarely could I participate in it too.

Not only was I an outcast during my school years, low income can also make one an outcast. Practically all of my local organizations that have volunteer opportunities require membership for insurance purposes. "Membership" means about $200/year per person plus a monthly meeting fee of $25-$45 each "but they do feed you a nice dinner too" (as one person told us). So far, the VFW was the only one in our town that allows my husband and I to volunteer without membership. I've even tried the Girl Scouts, which is only $10/year for adult membership, but because I have never been blessed with children, the local GS troop leaders looked quite askance upon me every time I offered my services. :(

A few weeks ago, we were visiting my in-laws in a rural part of the state. In their church bulletin was a note asking for volunteers to help. The date they really needed volunteers coincidentally was my birthday, so I opted to take a vacation day and pitch in.

As I said, there is such a special joy when I see people helping each other. There is a value added beyond measure when an outcast like myself can become part of the group - especially when part of a positive act.

Thank you.
From my heart.

-ESA

Birthday Card (Poem)

My niece presented me with a hand-made, construction-paper birthday card in which she wrote this beautiful poem. Sometimes the best presents aren't the expensive gifts found at the store, but ones crafted from the heart.

To My Loving Aunt

How fortunate I am
To have an aunt like you
Your love shows through
In all that you do

So much of yourself
You have given to me
Asking nothing in return
But a good person I be

You taught me values
That are important in life
Your guidance for me
Have always been right

I love you so much
Just had to convey
My love for you in
These words that I say

I LOVE YOU!

River of Opportunity

I spent yesterday at an amusement park with extended family. One of the attractions has the rider sit in an inflatable tube and drift lazily down a meandering river-like waterway. Anyone who has ridden in one may know how tricky it can be to navigate one's tube lying on their back with a strong current and several other tubes between you and your objective. When my niece, riding a double with me, declared she had enough, I struggled to get to the exit, finally needing one of the lifeguards to pull us toward the exit area.

When several in our family group opted to go to another ride, I stood near the departure point to literally pull in the rest of the family as they floated by, so we could all go together. While I was pulling in the group in ones and twos, there was a woman who called out to me with her hand extended. She wanted to get off the ride too but could not reach the exit and was rapidly being swept "downstream" despite all her attempts, not unlike my own attempts about five minutes earlier.

When she thanked me for the help and asked if I was part of the staff, I answered simply, "No, I'm just out here looking to pull my mother in." It wasn't until I was back in the stream looking for my mother - the last of our group to exit - that it dawned on me...

If I wasn't already out there, I never would have seen this woman struggling or been there to help her.

How many opportunities to help a fellow human being - my brothers and sisters - have passed me by because I was not already helping out there, but merely sitting back waiting for the opportunity to come knocking on its own?

How much can pass
When the river of opportunity flows past
And I am not standing in the current?

-ESA

Battle With Oreos

This past week, I've tried NOT to eat the oreo cookies in the recently-restocked vending box down the hall from my office. Recently, I read something on using root-cause-analysis to understand "temptations" I see in this world. And, to anyone who loves oreo cookies and is trying to loose weight, the call of the oreos mere steps away certainly a temptation. ;-)

Why do I want to eat those oreo cookies? Well, at first, I admitted that the kid in me likes to open it up, eat the middle and then the cookies - especially with a glass of milk, just like the commercials. But looking only a bit deeper, I had to admit a strong pull was the "comfort food" factor.

Why do I have the need for comfort food? (<-- part of getting to the root cause) I have some lack within me that seeks to be met - to be comforted and made happy. The oreo cookies take me back to a happy, safe time as a child when I didn't have worries over bills to pay, a job to keep, and other stresses of adult life. A bag of potato chips may call up happy memories of gatherings with friends or family, even when I can polish off most of it sitting alone in front of a TV...

Why do I have the need to be comforted NOW when I didn't then? With this question, still in mind, I spent the day with extended family including 7 kids. Not having been blessed with children of my own, it's amazing soon how I forget that they easily express themselves without holding to the strictures of "personal space" that adults do. Granted, this ranges from temper tantrums and tears, to sudden hugs when they are happy. Growing up, I learned strict limitations in broaching another's "personal space." Most contacts are limited to handshakes and pass the salt. There are no touches on an arm or shoulder and certainly no spontaneous hugs.

Why are there strictures of "personal space" that I obey? When a psychological aspect of "personal space", which is space in the immediate vicinity of the person's body, is looked at, am I not drawing a line that says everything within this space is "I, me, myself, mine" and everything outside is "you and yours"? But in reality, am I not interconnected to all as I live my life? Do I not rely on someone else's work for the food I eat, the shelter I live in, and everything that I need or use in this life. There is also the trees used to build my shelter, the animals/fish for my meat, the bees that pollinate the plants I eat, etc. So in essence, I am quite interconnected to both other people and other things in this world.

But when I draw a line around myself and focus on "I, me, myself, mine", I fail to recognize that interconnectedness. The simple act of a child's hug shouts gladly, "You are a part of my life; what you do makes me happy!" I may say the words "thank you" or nod, or even forget to do those simple things. I've cut myself from others and from the world around me.

And with that void, I've tried to fill that loss with oreo cookies. That is a sorry replacement indeed. So instead of oreo cookies, perhaps I should seek the company of coworkers or share a hug with someone.

Many lives
One world
Interconnected

-ESA

The Woodpecker (Story)

Once upon a time, a woman lived on the outskirts of the village. She was a proud woman, with flowing red hair, beautiful face and attractive body. She was also well-known throughout the area for her culinary skills.

One day, a visitor came to her door. By local custom, she was obligated to invite this person in and offer him some food. But this was not the kind of visitor she wanted in her home. He was rank from being unwashed, his hair and beard were disheveled, plus his patched and worn clothing clearly indicated he did not the means to help better her own life.

She roughly escorted him through the front parlor, down the hall and seated him on a crude stool beside the back door in the kitchen. Then she ransacked her kitchen pantry for the humblest morsel she could feed him.

She spied some old bread and quickly popped the small, dry piece into her warming oven to heat it up. When she took it out a few minutes later, fresh steam rose from a whole loaf providing a mouth-watering aroma of freshly-baked bread. This was too good for her visitor, so she set it aside for her own supper and continued to search.

She spied a pair of rotting apples at the bottom of a bin and smiled. She quickly assembled a small apple tart and placed that in the oven to bake. The scent of cinnamon, baking apples, buttery crust and more filled her kitchen. When she pulled it out of the oven, the flaky crust was a beautiful golden brown. This was also too good for her visitor, so she set it aside for her dessert.

Her quest continued out the back door, and she came upon the manure pile. With a wicked smirk, she shoveled some into a tin and took it back to the kitchen. She added sugar and a few other ingredients hoping to disguise the foul stench of the original produce. The more she added the less foul it seemed. This, too, she popped into the oven, wondering what the result would be. In under an hour, she was staring aghast at the best chocolate mouse ever to grace her kitchen.

That did it! Not knowing what else to do, she grabbed a large wooden spoon and chased the stranger from her kitchen. Just beyond the doorway, the stranger stopped and turned around. His stature grew as his appearance changed. With a sinking feeling the woman quickly realized who she had as her visitor...

"You witnessed a piece of stale bread become a whole fresh loaf, yet you failed to share it with me. You saw rotten apples become a beautiful tart, yet you failed to share it with me. And you beheld the most foul creation your mind could produce become one of your finest dishes, yet STILL you failed to share even THAT with me.

"For this, you and all your children shall spend the rest of your days feasting on insects and you will work hard for every morsel you consume."

As he was spoke, the woman began to shrink - smaller and smaller she became. Her fingers became feathers of wings, as her body sprouted feathers everywhere. The nose on her beautiful face became long and hard and her long beautiful hair was gone - leaving only a patch of red on her head as a bitter reminder.

Perhaps you have seen her or her children in this world. She can often be spied on the sides of trees as she hammers out her living, eating only insects for her meals.

- ESA

Kingdom Visitor (Story)

Once upon a time, in a not too distant land there was a king that loved all the people. Because he had such love for the people, he wanted them to be happy and to love each other as he loved them. One day, he called before him all the magistrates in the land and commanded of them to design a way that would best enable all the people to love one another.

The magistrates gathered and spent much time in council determining the best methods to govern the people that would make them love each other so the king would be happy. They decided on a long list of rules that the people would have to memorize and adhere. They decided on celebration days that would, by their annual repetition, reinforce the rules they established. Further, they set up a system where there would be rewards for those who obeyed the rules and punishment for those who did not.

This, they surmised, was the best way to make the people love each other.

Over the years, the magistrates instructed the people in the rules, meted out the rewards and punishments, and watched the people carefully so they knew who to reward and who to punish. In response, some of the people would either vie with each other to do the most loving acts to gain the best of the rewards, or they followed the rules minimally when they knew they were being watched, lest they face the dreaded punishments.

Then one day, a stranger arrived and set up a temporary home among the people of this kingdom. Within a few days, one of the magistrates presented to her a thick bound volume of the rules. But the stranger handed the book back unopened and, instead, took out her visa which indicated she was not a subject of the king, and thus she was not subject to those rules. The magistrate tried to harass her, but she knew that was the law of all the lands and magistrate could not force their ways on her.

At that time, the king wondered how well the system his magistrates established was working. Were the people truly loving one another as he loved them? Was the system enabling their love for each other to flourish? Or were the people merely following the established set of rules because they sought individually to gain a reward or avoid a punishment? So the king decided to find out for himself. He disguised himself and went out among the people.

Where the magistrates were to be found, people performed all kinds of loving acts, helping one another and more. But where there were no magistrates watching, the poor were left hungry, the cold were left outside alone to fend for themselves, the sick were shoved apart from the healthy, and the outcasts were friendless. There was very little love here.

Then the king spied a young woman, a stranger in this land, and she was doing what the people were not, even when the magistrates were not watching. She shared her supper with someone that had none, she helped carry someone's heavy load, and she welcomed the homeless into the rooms she rented so they would not have to suffer the freezing rain and falling snow. Who was this woman?

The king called court the next day and called this woman before him. "I am king of this realm," he told her, "and I have seen what you have done."

"I know of your rules may be different here, your majesty, but as I am not one of your subjects, so your rules do not apply to me."

"So you do not act as you do fearing punishment?"

"No, sir."

"So you do not act as you do expecting reward?"

"No, sir."

The king's cheeks started to glisten with tears and he stepped down from his throne and faced the woman eye-to-eye. "Then why do you do the things you do?"

The woman shrugged, "It's just the right thing to do. We're all part of this world, we should help each other."

The king stepped forward and embraced the woman fiercely!

When he stepped back he announced, "Let this be known across the land, this woman has acted with Love for her neighbor, not because of reward, not out of fear of punishment - for she clearly does not expect either. She acted simply out of the Love found in her heart. THIS! This is what I sought for my people. All I simply ask is that they love one another."

Love
thy
neighbor

-ESA

Windshield Wipers

When I went to put something in my Jeep yesterday, I noticed one of my windshield wipers was gone. The other was off the hook and bent horrifically. Evidently someone tried to steal both. Reporting the incident to the police was pointless. As I walk to work, the incident could have taken place any time since last Sunday. The Jeep was parked near the back of our apartment complex parking area and easily accessible to anyone walking or driving by. It also could have been much worse; one time someone slashed all the tires of the vehicles parked back there.

I was upset. I'd have to buy new wipers when these were still fairly new themselves. And I could not drive without wipers due to the sudden summer thunder-storms common where we live. So I sat and sulked as my husband drove me.

After the initial pout fest, I tried to forgive through reasoning. Perhaps the person really needed wipers themselves and could not afford to buy replacements. Or perhaps it was just some vandal bent on destruction. In my head, I flip-flopped between the two; I could forgive one easily but not the other. I even felt a bit bad; not only was the person so desperate that they needed to steal off an old Jeep, they will also have to steal from someone else too as they bent one of the wipers, rendering it useless for both of us. I, at least, have some savings where I can get a new set of wipers, some of my neighbors may not.

I know there is much research showing both psychological (mind) and biological/bio-chemical (body) benefits to forgiveness. This morning in the stillness of my prayers I sought to forgive. One of the exercises in a book I'm reading speaks of "letting go of attack thoughts." This includes both thoughts of me attacking others as well as being attacked. And I had to face the truth, I felt attacked when I saw my Jeep yesterday.

When I let the thought of attack go - it is in the past and the past is forever gone; there is nothing I can change about it - I did find some Peace and forgiveness. More, I came to the recognition that it does not matter WHY the person did what was done. It is ALL in the past.

That, I believe, is one of the nuggets of wisdom behind the "Judge not, lest you be judged." In judging we determine what is good and bad. If they did it for one reason, I can forgive. But as long as there is anything that I hold back my forgiveness on, I - myself - bar the way to the Peace I seek. In the end, the person who did this will never know one way or the other if I've forgiven, but *I* do. And withholding forgiveness only harms me.

Holding on harms us so
Benefits as we let go
And grow

-ESA