Relearning Trust

I wanted to share something I found quite remarkable.

This morning, I spoke with the manager of a local bagel shop asking if they could be a clothing donation drop-off point for the local homeless. She refused with the same excuse I've heard last year from the prior manager. I paused to take a sip of coffee and work on how I would word the argument. But in that pause, the woman continued to speak.

So instead of interrupting, I listened.

As the woman spoke, she actually talked herself into agreeing with the idea. She pointed out how convenient it would be, as people stop off at her bagel shop on their way to work. She indicated how often she had driven around for months with potential donations in her car, with no time in her busy day to drop it off at a place outside of her routine. And more.

I didn't need to say a word; Another was talking.

Last week, I heard someone comment that we need to place more trust in God. Sadly I will admit, it's very hard to put my complete trust in God that He will help. I know it intellectually, believe it in my heart. But when it comes into putting that into practice...

... I falter often.

And then I'm given a little reminder, like this morning. Seeing this helps me in a way beyond what I can put in words.

I am small in a Creation far greater than what my mind can understand. I need to learn to be like a child and reach out my hand in complete trust, letting God guide me and help me get things done.

Each day of my life.

- ESA

Reminders

A question a friend posed pricked me when I re-read it this morning. "How long do you think you will be able to hold onto the message? The enemy will back down whilst you have understanding, but after a bit of time will lure you back to old ideas."

Like many my age, I need to give myself reminders - post-it notes, memos on calendars, voice-mails, emails, repetition and bookmarks. That is just the daily routine stuff.

When there is something that strikes me as important, I copy it into a Word document or write it in a my small journal in my laptop bag. This way, after some time passes and I start to forget the lesson, I can go back and re-read it.

For the question above, it's a good indicator that I've already fallen back to my old habits; I got a similar response to the words as I did when I initially read them. Even though a message struck home at first, the lesson faded with time. I still live in a corrupt and corruptible world. This is still the playground of the enemy, and I am still susceptible.

If I want to continue to grow, I really need to keep valuable lessons at hand and do what I can not to forget them.

They are my stepping stones.
I can still trip.
And start again!

-ESA

Paperclips

Though my bloodline makes me an American-European mutt, I grew up with a strong Irish-American background. Not only did we revel in the gift to tell stories, elaborate and exaggerate events and, as Mark Twain once quipped, "never let the truth get in the way of a good story." After nearly four decades of this, lying had become second-nature and I discovered I was astute at it. Sadly, this was a talent that was not only praised but celebrated in my family. :(

A few years ago, I reached a point where I wanted to improve myself - Spiritually and morally. I had to face the fact: LYING HAD TO STOP. It was hard. I tried and failed and tried again so many, many times. The enemy had practically convinced me that it was impossible as I was so set in my ways that I couldn't change.

A fellow co-worker at the time was in Weight Watchers and had told me how hard it was for her to change her eating habits. Then she took out this string of five colored paperclips. She told me that each paperclip represented a pound that she had lost on the plan. Every week she gets evaluated and paperclips are either added or removed, depending on how well she is doing. Anytime she starts to cave in to the temptation of food, hunger and lifestyle pattern she pulls out these paperclips and reminds herself, "I've come this far. I will not blow it by giving into temptation now." The longer the chain, the greater her desire to fight the temptation.

I used this to help me.

I started simple. For every day that I didn't tell a lie, I would add a paperclip. I didn't carry them around. I hung them from a push-pin in the wall right next to my laptop screen at the office. Work was where I was frequently tempted to lie. For example, I would lie to my boss about why the work wasn't done, as I chatted, tweeted, watched videos, etc. instead of doing my work first as I should. You can see how lies progressed into something even larger. So that is where I needed my reminders the most. As an added incentive, the place I chose to start the chain was beside an image of Yeshua / Jesus I have on the wall.

Day-by-day, I progressed. Days I lied, I removed one paperclip. Days I went through without a lie, I added one. There were stretches when the paperclip I added on the wall in the morning was gone before quitting time. But little-by-little, through persistence and prayer, I managed to have that chain grow. It was beautiful! And what my co-worker said was true. The longer the chain, the more incentive I had NOT to lie. I even found that I would go back to my boss after the lie and admit that I lied, apologized, and did my work as I should.

One day, I found the chain was nearly to the floor. Then I upped the challenge. I would continue to add a paperclip (looping it if I have to) for each day I managed to not tell a lie, but I would remove ALL paperclips if I lied. The first time I lied after that point was tragic. I cannot describe the pain and shame as I went paperclip by paperclip unhooking that wonderfully long chain and putting the paperclips back in the container. I felt like an utter failure.

But I began again. One paperclip. One day. Another and the chain grew again.

After several weeks of this, I switched to one paperclip for each week. This made things even harder. For one lie would destroy weeks of work! The chain hanging beside Christ's image kept me strong as I struggled each day not to lie. And when I messed up and did lie, I wept as I dismantled that chain.

Months came and went and new calendars were hung on that wall as the years changed. Eventually I no longer needed the paperclip chain. They are forever engraved in my mind. Every time I find a lie slip through my lips I cringe. Sometimes I cry. I am not perfect. I ask forgiveness and begin again each and every time. But I have been able to keep lies from me as much as I possibly can. In fact, it's now painful for me to intentionally lie. So I don't.

What else can I now change in my life?
One paperclip at a time.
And begin again.

-ESA

Eye-for-Eye

One of the tweets I found on Twitter is this: "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." ~ Mahatma Gandhi

There is much truth in this.

The phrase "an eye for an eye" is used to imply equitable retribution, but the way I see it:

• An eye for an eye is the maximum allowed
• It is not the minimum
• And it is certainly NOT a requirement

I agree with Gandhi in his statement above; when people seek the most they can get in recompense for that which has been wronged to them, we will collectively destroy this world.

-ESA

Asking "Why?"

Often I try to see things from different perspectives, as far as the limits of my mind, my experiences and my perceptions can take me.

One of the things that has occurred to me is this:

God is like a Parent.

When a child is young, the parent will rebuke, intervene, discipline and rescue the child from the trouble the child has gotten into.

When the child grows, more responsibility is given to the child with the understanding that the child has learned what is right and what is wrong and how to self-discipline and continue to grow.

In most cases, a parent will only dress a child for so many years, then guide the child in what to wear, eventually letting the child not only dress him/herself but make the decisions on what to wear and letting him/her handle the repercussions on his/her own.

I believe that to God, Humanity is like that child.

Over the centuries, we've grown and have now reached a point where we know what is right and wrong and can assume some responsibilities for ourselves and our lives.

But we keep turning to God and asking, "Why don't you do something about all the evils in this world."

I think many fail to realize... God may well be asking Humanity the same question.

-ESA